#and also what he was always supposed to be if not for his fallout w bruce&then dying; complete daddy's boy

[dukeofthomas]

When I want to think about a happy Jason I think about my Never Robin AU... He's still adopted by Bruce, but just never becomes a Robin, and therefore never dies either. He purposefully keeps out of the Caped community, and is going to college. And because he was never put into the Lazarus Pit, he never got big, so he's like, 5'1 at most. Someone asks if he wants to be a vigilante/hero like the rest of his family and he goes "ew why would I 🤨"

[hysteriaww]

would kai have saved bonnie if damon left her ?

The simple answer imo is yes - the complicated answer would be his *reasons* for saving her.

I feel like if Kai saved Bonnie in 6x22, it would be VERY different from when he saved her in 6x13 on her bday. In 6x13, saving Bonnie was a huge sacrifice Kai made bc of his newfound guilt and other growing feelings about her. But if Kai saved her in 6x22, that man would do it out of SPITE lmfao. Like sure, maybe a *tiny* fragment of leftover post-merge Kai would save her bc he believed she deserved better, but at the mental state that he was in by 6x22, i think a larger part of him would actually be looking to save her out of this petty urge to make bonnie suffer, bc dying would be too easy for her according to his thought process 💀

In canon, remember how Kai got annoyed by damon seemingly deciding to let bonnie die and choosing elena over her super quickly? He complains, saying smthg like "This decision was supposed to torture him," bc he wanted damon to agonize over the bonnie vs elena choice for a long time. Similarly, i think bonnie dying just like that would eliminate a lot of the angst, pain and tension of the situation, so Kai would save her life *just* so bonnie and damon would be forced to live with the uncomfortable reality of damon choosing elena over her and deal with the emotional fallout of that instead of pretending they have the world's best friendship, as they'd been doing for all of S6 (bc Kai would enjoy watching that mess).

Ofc, that would probably result in Bonnie aiming a lot of her resentment towards Kai for forcing her to face those hard truths, but maybe, after an initial explosion (and a lil nudging from Kai), she might realize that targeting kai is just shooting the messenger rather than addressing the root problem (her toxic friends). If it hadn't been kai, then somebody else would've made bonnie see the truth but either way, that's something she needed to see.

Realistically, even after this realization, i don't think bonnie would've suddenly warmed up to kai, but i think it might've pushed her to ditch damon instead of sticking around Mystic Falls to help him all the time (which would've consequently made Kai suddenly lose interest in Mystic Falls too xD). If Damon then chose to seek her out to beg her (read: force her) to defeat the town's new villains-of-the-week, or if he found her w his humanity off and tried to kill her to get elena back, i think kai might've surprised them all by appearing out of nowhere to get damon off bonnie's case (bc kai being kai was prob keeping tabs on bonnie's whereabouts as soon as she skipped town).

And maybe Kai's sudden appearance would've led to a bonkai confrontation with Kai realizing he may have saved her out of spite in 6x22, but there is no explanation for why he saved her from damon this time besides.. *wanting* bonnie to get her life away from her friends. And maybe that would've also led him to unsubtly point out that an elena-free existence had actually made bonnie's life better, thanks to kai.

Bon would probably kick his ass halfway across the world after a comment like that but i think it would stick with her, making its way under her skin as it sinks in that the horrific thing Kai did really did end up working out for her in the long run. Bc as we know, even at his lowest, there was always some part of Kai that begrudgingly wanted bonnie's attention and validation and rly resented her friends getting that from her while walking all over her. It would take a long time, but slowly and surely, i think Bonnie's intuition would eventually pick up on that tiny part of Kai that saved her life to show her that she deserved better. It would be very uncomfortable for her to realize that Big Bad Kai could no longer be an easy scapegoat for all her problems, but that might be just what she needs to finally see Kai as a person, rather than a monster. And from there? Well, looots of opportunities and potential would open up from there 😏

[winterpinetrees]

Zerada Adust of the Las Vegas Strip (The Gap Years Part 12)

June 20th 2019

Las Vegas, NV

I'm definitely jumping through time in a far more disorganized way than a properly paced thing should, but I never said this was going to be good. It's going to be, and that's all.

…………

In the 1950s, tourists would come to Las Vegas to see the clouds of the nuclear bombs being tested a hundred miles to the northwest. The city wasn’t really known for gambling then, and the only thing most of the tourists were betting was their lives against the nuclear fallout. Of course, back then there was lead in gasoline and no seatbelts in cars, so safety was always relative.

The United States government stopped atmospheric testing in 1962, though they’d keep producing bigger and bigger bombs for years. In the half-century since, fallout has drifted over the city exactly once; in 2009 when the Excalibur Project was destroyed by a team of elves wearing that familiar neon-lined armor. It wasn’t a situation like Chernobyl, but the echoes of that disaster are still in the pavement. Sierra’s gadget ticks quickly as the group stands by the New York New York casino. If someone is watching them, they have no way of knowing.

To be honest, even without that much radiation, The Strip still feels it’s going to give her cancer. It has the flashing lights of a science fiction nightmare combined with the noise of a thousand advertisements. Everything smells like cigarette smoke and car exhaust and even the sunset can’t compare to the colors on the signs and walls. That being said, she might be a bit more on edge than usual. Yesterday, she was shot in the neck with something that Brian keeps describing as an arrow. She also hit her head -hard- on the way down. Was she cursed now? Concussed? Who knows, honestly. She can feel the blood pulsing in her neck where she was shot and she swears she’s hearing things that aren’t there. Her steady mechanic’s hands drift against her will. Marin doesn’t know how to fix it.

What else has happened? Well, Marin finally read that casualty list. Apparently it’s short this time, but his parents are still dead. So are Zerada’s parents. The thing that really shook Marin up though was one of the killers. Apparently several guards and a noble were killed by a woman named Devana Marolak, despite the fact that Devana was supposed to be on his side. Clay stated the obvious -she must have turned traitor- but Marin refused to believe it. The high nobility live for their storied bloodlines. She wouldn’t betray her family like that. Well, she’s a problem for another time.

They’re standing in front of the fifty foot tall statue of something almost like the Statue of Liberty. The area is more of a plaza for once. It was over a hundred degrees Fahrenheit today (she still thinks that way, despite her best efforts to use Celsius) and a good part of the strip is barren sidewalk. You aren’t supposed to walk outside in Vegas. Any time spent where you can see the sun is time where you aren’t losing track of reality. Sierra guesses that this place is close enough to a casino that it’s profitable to hang around.

“It’s sunset. She should be here.” Marin’s recovered fully from their little car chase. He’s explained again that the nobility are fragile, and that he just needed to sleep it off. He’s also fidgeting and nervous and put on eyeliner this morning so…

“Or, this whole thing was a trap,” Clay replies, unhelpfully cynical as always.

Sierra’s tired of it. “Pretty stupid trap, unless they want to give us cancer first”.

“Hey, we don’t know what that magic arrow did”.

A patch of light moves on the ground in front of their feet. It looks like the reflection off of a phone, and Sierra looks around to see if anyone is moving theirs. No one. She follows the light up and behind them to the torch of the replica statue. Marin’s face lights up (no, not literally this time).

“Of course she’s up there! We’d always…” he laughs. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Wait here,”

Marin disappears with a flash of green. Once he’s out of earshot, Clay shakes his head.

“So our only hope is Marin’s girlfriend?”

It seems like it is.

“Are they even dating? He keeps calling her ‘his betrothed’ which is a different thing” Brian replies.

“Are elves even, like… what’s the word for only having one spouse?” she asks.

“Monogamous?”

“Yeah, that”. To be honest, humans aren’t always monogamous either. She has two step siblings to prove it.

“I don’t know. Ask him”. Brian shrugs as if he doesn’t care, but everyone knows he’s obsessed with all that cultural stuff.

They quietly discuss. Brian mentions that Marin’s been translating everything into English and trying to not offend them, and that they really can’t be sure of anything because of it. The two of them pester him for being an annoying future English major and decide to ignore it.

After a few minutes, Marin reappears with a woman in an orange dress on his arm. She’s holding the cheap carnival fox under the other, and they’re both smiling like maniacs. She is only the second elf they’ve seen outside of combat.

Marin is an elf prince, but he doesn’t look like it. Ignore the pointed ears and he looks pretty unremarkable. Zerada though? She would be mistaken for a goddess if she showed up in Ancient Greece. They’re in Vegas instead, so Sierra invents other comparisons. She looks like a supermodel. She looks like what the media wants her and her mother to be. She is all of this while holding a stuffed animal.

Zerada looks about their age, so she must be nearly a hundred. She stands taller than Marin, but only while wearing four-inch heeled boots. Zerada throws her dark flowing hair over her shoulders when she laughs and her practically glowing skin is somewhere between suntanned and bronze. Sierra made a comment a few days ago about the Genus Adust symbol (a burnt-orange fox) being a cliche for a woman, but it fits. Her ears are sharp and pointed, and there’s a mischievous spark in her amber eyes. This is a smart, smart woman, but women are never allowed to just be smart. Zerada is both smart and drop-dead gorgeous, which means she’ll only ever be cunning and dangerous. Foxy. Then again, she’s an elf princess who survived a coup. Maybe Sierra should wait a second before deciding that she isn’t a threat.

The two speak in an elven language for a moment, but Zerada switches to English.

“So I hear you’ve all had quite the adventure?” Her voice is low and playful. It’s exactly what she’d expect from a stereotypical vixen. Considering how the elf is from another planet (parallel dimension. whatever) she’s definitely playing into it on purpose. It unsettles Sierra, who won’t touch that sort of behavior with a ten foot pole.

“You could say that,” Clay replies, deadpan.

“How’s Mari been treating you?” She looks at Sierra and grimaces. “Life and death, that is quite the spell. I’ll get you all some rooms and…”

Mari? His nickname is Mari?

“I’m sorry, but you are Zerada, right?” Brian asks.

“Yes! My name is Zerada Adust. It’s a pleasure to meet the humans who have kept this idiot alive. And you all are?”

Marin elbows her. She puts a hand on his head and pushes him away. They all introduce themselves.

Zerada raises her eyebrows in exaggerated surprise “Those are some familiar names”.

They speak in elvish again.

“It isn’t nice to talk about people when they’re in the room,” Clay says firmly.

“I was just telling Mari that the three of you are impressive companions”. She looks at each of them in turn. “The favorite child of the world’s most interesting tech magnate, the overlooked son of the California governor, and well, I don’t exactly recognize you…”

She stares at Clay. They’re about the same height and neither one looks away for a long moment, but he backs down first. “A lot of people in Vegas are desperate. Addiction, medical debt… people come here to die. Your father is part of the reason why”.

He straightens his shoulders and glares back at her, but the woman keeps talking. “You aren’t his heir, or part of his appearances. An exotic pet, then? I’d say seen and not heard, but I haven’t seen you either”.

Clay starts to say something, but is cut off. “Not that? Not good at doing tricks?”

“You don’t get to say anything about me, princess”.

“I do, actually. I don’t play by the rules either, but I suppose I got the last laugh.” She bares her teeth. “I’m here and alive, after all. Daddy isn’t”.

Sierra has really never seen Clay outplayed by anyone, especially not someone holding a toy fox. “I’m not interested in women,” he replies, which is as good a response as any.

“Oh? Hm”.

There’s a beat of silence. Then Sierra starts laughing.

“Really? Flirting with my companion?” Marin has his own exaggerated look of shock.

Zerada lifts her hands in surrender. “Hey, you had a crush on my brother”.

Marin smiles awkwardly, but then they both go silent.

“Jezero is still alive,” he says. “He’s not on the list”. Zerada replies that she’s already seen it. It’s not clear to Sierra if the elves are happy about this or not.

Whatever the hell that was, it’s over now. Zerada walks them up the Las Vegas Strip towards the hotel where she’s rented a huge suite under one of a dozen fake names. Her tall boots clack against the sidewalk while Marin’s footsteps are silent.

“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” she explains when Sierra asks if they’re safe here. “This place is full of elves who just want to have a good time. If Mercuralis wants to send soldiers here, she’ll piss all of us off”.

“So we’re counting on a bunch of drunk, magic, gamblers to protect us?” she replies.

Zerada turns back and rolls her eyes. “Please. Why would we gamble? There’s better games to play”.

That’s when the elf starts talking about herself. She’s spent four months in Vegas, but most of the past decade in all the cities, islands, and exclaves where the world’s rich and powerful waste their money. She’s fluent in English, Mandarin, and Arabic, as well as Portuguese (which is her favorite, and shockingly useful where she travels). Zerada is a shameless thrill seeker and gifted at charms and mental spells. There isn’t a criminal underground she doesn’t have friends in, or a casino she hasn’t robbed. Zerada makes a single quip about her body count without confirming what she’s counting, and both options make perfect sense. This woman is a femme fatale straight out of James Bond, minus any chance of dying for some man’s character development. If anything, Marin is the trophy spouse, and he seems okay with it.

Zerada changes her room every few weeks to avoid suspicion, and she’s currently staying at Caesars Palace purely for the pun. Marin and Zerada speak for a long time in elvish about something that leaves both of them doubled over laughing before Marin stalks off to buy the party a two bedroom suite. (Zerada insists they stay somewhere nice for once after a week on the road).

And the room is nice. Her father would probably buy out the whole building if he were here, but he isn’t, so the three rich kids sit awkwardly in the ‘living room’, because yes, this hotel room has a living room in it. The truth is, this is what they were trying to get away from. Staying in a room with a wet bar feels wrong when they were all nearly dragged off to imprisonment and death yesterday, and when the future is sure to be worse. The side of her neck is still glowing very scary red in the mirror, and Zerada didn’t do anything about it despite her also very scary reaction to it. She slunk back to her own room, and Marin followed… so they’re not going to interrupt. It’s fine. Sierra isn’t cursed. She’ll be fine.

They sit in silence.

Brian drinks from a can of soda. “So what does everyone think she meant about there being better games to play?”

“Politics, probably. She’s a noblewoman. I wouldn’t be shocked if they’re pulling strings everywhere”. Clay responds as if elves manipulating everything was too boring to focus on.

“So there’s a secret society of elves puppeteering everyone in Vegas and we’re okay with this?” Sierra says.

Brian gives her a movie star smile. “We don’t have much of a choice, do we?”

“We’re trying to save the world, Brian”.

They pause for a moment. Clay sighs.

“Please do not tell me you have a crush on Marin’s girlfriend. She is not nice. No one like that is ever nice”.

He takes a very long and conspicuous drink from his soda. “You’re nice, and you like politics and lying”.

“You dumb blond. That’s not what I mean!” He grabs a pillow and throws it.

Well, there’s only one thing to do now. Who says that the heroes can’t act like idiots sometimes? Brian’s certainly going to, so she picks up a pillow.

…………

As always, foreshadowing is a literary device.

Zerada and Marin’s relationship status is a secret third thing! Imagine the most complicated on-again-off-again relationship you heard about in high school, and then consider that they’ve been friends for eighty years, and are societally expected to have 2.5 children or whatever the average noble birth rate is.

I do not know how to write, or fully understand, romance. I guess I'll figure it out because Brian making a very bad decision is a central part of his character arc, and also crucial for the plot.

[countlessrealities]

Send “Talk about” and a name for my muse to talk about that person || No longer accepting.

@dynamoprotocol sent: Talk about Chance (for Rick!)

Rick's eyes dart away for a moment at the question and he can't stop himself from gritting his teeth. It's not the worst query he has ever received, not by far, but that doesn't make answering it much easier. Or, perhaps, it is easy, but as per usual he is overthinking and making it more complicated than it has to be.

Chance.

The main issue is that he doesn't know where to start from. Things between him and his old lover are good, better than they have ever been between him and Clarissa. Back then, they were both too damaged to create something more than the illusion of stability. Even the best moments of their relationship were nothing but that. Fleeting breaks from the nightmare their lives had been.

Rick is aware that Chance isn't a completely different person. He is still Clarissa and what has happened to them and between them is still as real as it was before the other's transition. However, at the same time, Chance is also a new individual, with a deeper insight, a better understanding of what he wants, of what he needs and of what he can have. He is more than just a survivor constantly on the edge of the abyss. He is someone who has a shot at living and has all the intentions of using it.

He is the embodiment of the potential Clarissa has had inside her all along, and that's no longer doomed by the narrative.

"I...D-Damn, how am I even supposed to...S-Shit is complicated. N-Not necessarily in a bad way," and isn't that a first for him, "b-but it's still a lot, you know? A-After everything, being back here, together, and...I-It's not a clean slate, i-it could never be. An-And it wouldn't be fair if it was."

Since he and Clarissa have started to patch up things between them, he has been more willing to acknowledge and admit his part of the blame in their fallout, just as he has been more open in his regret. He has been offered forgiveness and a second chance and he has been working to earn it, but it's hard to let go of the hurt he knows he has brought, especially now that he is being welcomed back in the other's life.

"C-Chance is...amazing. D-Don't get me wrong, Clarissa has always been, b-but now he is..." His voice trails off as he tries to find the right word. "H-He knows whom he is an-and he's being himself. Fully. An-And damn if I don't admire him for it. I-It makes me feel an even more bigger hot mess put next to him."

He is happy for Chance. Damn, he's fucking ecstatic to see him finally finding some peace of mind and starting to carve his right place in the universe. Yet, at the same time, it terrifies him. Not only because he can't help thinking that, one day soon, the man would realise that he deserves better than the dumpster of fire Rick is, but also because he has a record of destroying every good thing he touches.

And Chance is one of the best things that have happened to him in the last forty years.

"C-Clarissa and I...we fucked up really bad, b-but we loved each other. A-As much as you can love someone else w-while hating yourself. A-As much as you can love someone w-while dragging them down in the abyss with you."

He plays with his flask, resisting the urge to take a swing. It feels wrong to drink while talking about the other man, of all people.

"I-I can't love love him in the same way, an-and I don't want to. H-He deserves better an-and I want to try to give it to him." Whether or not he'll be able to, only time will tell. In all honesty, he isn't too hopeful, but that doesn't dampen his will to do his damn hardest in the least. "An-And even if it won't work out between us...I-I want to be in his life. C-Call me selfish, but I don't want to lose him again. E-Even if it means just being friends. I-I can live with that."

Hell, he would probably consider himself lucky to have just Chance's friendshp.

"A-Also because there Rick an-and I'd drive myself into a black hole b-before I ruin shit for him. H-He was really fuckin' good to Clarissa an-and he's just as good, i-if not better with Chance. T-They deserve to be together without me making shit hard or-or awkward."

If there's something that should never be in doubt, it's how far he is ready to go to ensure his boyfriend's happiness. The man deserves the world in Rick's eyes and, if he has a saying in it, he'll be handing his counterpart the universe as an anniversary present on of these days..

"T-There's Morty too. C-Chance likes the little shit an-and the little shit likes him an-and they bonded a lot. I...I don't want to get in the way of that either."

If he can't make the three most important people in his life happy himself, then the least he can do is making sure that they can make each other happy.

[baby--spinach]

hey there, if you feel like sending me some cascrit privately I would love it. Can't see any bad in him and I really want to. I won't defend him. Safe space!

Have to say this is an unusual request, but I'll try my best!

I used to feel more strongly about this, but my biggest issue with Cas is that he keeps screwing up for the exact same reasons and never seemed to learn from it. He always thinks he knows best, goes off on his own behind the Winchesters' backs, then leaves Sam and Dean to clean up his mess/deal with the fallout. He did this in season 6 (which led into season 7 w/ the Leviathans), season 8 (running off with the angel tablet and losing it to Crowley), season 11 (freeing Lucifer and putting the brothers and the world in direct danger), season 12 (stealing the Colt and running off with Kelly), and season 14 (the mildest case - keeping quiet about his worries about soulless Jack). I just got so tired of him screwing up over and over again and Dean getting crucified by the fandom for daring to feel betrayed/angry every time it happened. If my close friend betrayed my trust like that more than once, let alone five separate times, I'd kick their ass to the curb.

A few other moments I can think of: Cas being an insensitive ass about Mary's death in 15.09 yet Dean is the one falling to his knees crying and apologizing over feeling angry about his mother's very recent murder. Season 14 Cas throwing a fit over Sam and Dean's plan to trap a murderous, soulless Jack in the Malak box, then in the very next episode seemingly onboard with putting him in the Cage!

There's also Cas discourse in fandom that annoys the hell out of me. Like this prevailing notion that Dean treated Cas like his personal servant in season 6 and didn't help him with the angel war. Despite the fact that Cas had made it very clear he didn't want the Winchesters' help, which Dean had explicitly offered. And with that established, Dean was obviously not going to call unless it was important. Seriously, was Dean supposed to pull him away from the angel war just to crack a cold one and watch the game? I've never understood why the fandom held that against Dean.

But yeah, my main issue with Cas is the repeated screw-ups (which are really the writers not knowing what to do with him). And after the fifth time, it just made him look dumb.

[vrishchikawrites]

There was an idea I had seen on crossdressingdeath's tumblr where JC & WWX were having an argument and then JC tells WWX that LWJ should've died in Xuanwu cave. WWX snaps at him by saying that he had wanted JZX to die as well to which JL overhears that and results in a fallout between the uncle and nephew.

I thought that idea was amazing and I needed to see it written.

(I hope crossdressingdeath or op don't mind me writing this. As always, this prompt goes in a little different direction)

"He should've died and saved all of us the trouble!"

Jin Ling stops and frowns at his Uncle's sharp words. Tentatively, he peers around the corner to see Jiujiu scowling at Wei Wuxian, his eyes flashing and posture stubborn.

And Wei Wuxian...

Jin Ling shivers, eyes going wide.

He has never seen Wei Wuxian angry. He didn't even know the man was capable of anger.

Jin Ling resists the urge to take a step back and run because Wei Wuxian looks ready to kill. His red-tinted gaze is focused on Jiujiu and his expression is almost cruel.

A sneering smile, teeth bared like a demon on the verge of devouring its meal.

"You know, Jiang Cheng, the way you talk about Lan Zhan makes one thing very clear. You've now switched to projecting your insecurities onto him." Jin Ling winces and his uncle snarls, "It would serve you better if you followed his example instead."

"You!-" Jiujiu steps forward threateningly, Zidian sparkling in response to his anger, "How dare you?!"

"How dare I?" Wei Wuxian's tongue goes razer sharp, "Unlike you, I don't stay silent when someone attacks the people I love."

Jiujiu seems to understand something from that because laughs coldly, "I never loved you! You were a bane since the very beginning!"

"Good to know!" Wei Wuxian snaps back, "Because that gives me the freedom to shove some hard truths down your throat." He takes a step forward and for the first time, Jin Ling sees ice-cold resolve on Wei Wuxian's face.

It looks remarkably like Hanguang-jun's expression.

"You forget Lan Zhan wasn't the only one I saved that day, Jiang Cheng. Where would Jin Ling be if I hadn't saved Jin Zixuan? Wen Chao ordered his men to kill both Lan Zhan and Jin Zixuan. Did you care for Shijie's heart at all?"

"Shijie would've moved on." Jiujiu snaps and Jin Ling grows cold, "She would've had children with someone -!"

"Jiang Wanyin!" Wei Wuxian sounds just as horrified as Jin Ling feels.

"You killed Jin Zixuan! You hated him before that. Don't act high and mighty now." Jiujiu says but Jin Ling is just numb. He knows his parents died under complicated circumstances.

While he isn't entirely comfortable with Wei Wuxian's role in their death, he has learned to move on. He hasn't forgiven the man, not entirely, but-

'You're a lot like your father, prickly and sensitive. You also have his heart. He was proud but he had a good heart.' Wei Wuxian had laughed, 'And there's your mother's kindness hidden there, too. You have her capacity for love. Her generosity of spirit.

You are good.'

Wei Wuxian had been the only one to say he was like his parents. Everyone said he was like Jiujiu.

To hear the same man casually dismiss his existence hurt.

"I fully acknowledge my part in it but you don't get to turn this around! Have you no care for Jin Ling?" Wei Wuxian demands, his voice is stern and concerned. "What are you doing, Jiang Cheng? I hope you haven't said anything like this to Jin Ling! That boy is your nephew!"

Jiujiu snarls, "Of course, I care about him! But what about my mother? My father? All the people who paid with their lives because you provoked and distracted the Wens! Are they less valuable than Jin Ling?"

"Jiang Cheng," Wei Wuxian breathes, "Mind your words, what are you saying?"

"I'm right!" Jiang Wanyin says and Jin Ling covers his mouth shakily, "Who cares if Jin Zixuan died then? Who cares if Lan Wangji died? What's so important about them that you were willing to risk it all? If you only had kept your head down-"

"You cruel, cowardly fool."

There's complete silence and Jin Ling swallows.

"The Wens would've attacked regardless. They wanted to setup a supervisory office. They did it already in Qinghe!" Wei Wuxian starts pacing, "Think. Think for once in your life! War was on the horizon and our response was 'let them come to us, we'll fight'. It was arrogance itself to presume we wouldn't fail. We should've prepared, we should have come up with backup plans or evacuation plans! Something. But we did nothing and we paid the price."

"You-!"

"Don't! I am ashamed of you!" Wei Wuxian's tone is sharp and grave, "It is good that we're no longer martial brothers."

Jin Ling sucks a sharp breath and watches as Wei Wuxian spins around and walks away.

"Jin Ling deserves much better than you."

Jin Ling is too shaken to react as Wei Wuxian rounds the corner and spots him. He just looks up blankly as the man's expression goes from cold disgust to horror.

"Jin Ling,"

He sounds heartbroken, somehow. Jin Ling looks beyond Wei Wuxian to see Jiang Wanyin. The man had followed Wei Wuxian to shout some more, he supposes.

He looks shocked and dismayed too. There's perhaps a touch of regret in his expression.

He doesn't care.

He stares at them wordlessly and Wei Wuxian crouches before him, placing both his hands on his shoulders, "Jin Ling- how much-?"

"I heard enough to know Jiujiu thinks I'm replaceable." He says, eerily calm.

"Don't be stupid," Jiang Wanyin says, "I didn't-"

"Just stop talking." Wei Wuxian interrupts, rubbing his hands down Jin Ling's arms comfortingly. "Jin Ling, what do you need?" He asks, raising his hands to cup his face, "How can I help?"

Jin Ling appreciates that his- his mother's shidi- doesn't ask any stupid questions or offer empty reassurance.

He appreciates that Wei Wuxian doesn't say, 'He didn't mean it,' or 'don't misunderstand.'

Jiang Wanyin absolutely meant it.

"Baba?"

They all look to see the Hanguang-jun and Lan Sizhui walking towards them. The younger Lan is clearly concerned. Even the Hanguang-jun seems a bit suspicious, glancing from Jin Ling's face to his husband's and then to Jiang Wanyin.

"Wei Ying?"

"A moment, xingan," Wei Wuxian studies Jin Ling, "What do you need, nephew?"

Jiang Wanyin hisses but Jin Ling grabs hold of that word and embraces it, holding it close to his soul.

He can choose to dismiss him. Or he can choose to reach for the hand that is offered in compassion.

"I need Jiujiu to leave." He takes a deep breath, "And I don't want to see him until I'm ready."

"Jin Ling!"

"Very well, Lan Zhan, can you drag Jiang Cheng away for me? He's being an absolute brat."

The Hanguang-jun doesn't hesitate and Jin Ling refuses to pay attention to Jiang Wanyin's protests. He just stares into compassionate silver eyes.

Eyes that haven't looked away for a single moment.

He takes a deep breath, absorbs all of that focus, and steps forward.

The scent of sandalwood incense envelopes him as his uncle hugs him back.

Even now, he isn't alone.

He needs to focus on that.

[jawsofbalmung]

1, 2, 13, 14, 17

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Honestly? Blackmadhi. They barely interact, it just feels like ppl trying to force a ship that's not there. I have. Other reasons for hating it too but at its base it just doesn't make much sense to me.

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

I think the person I rbed the meme from said the same thing, but benbaro. And gumworth. Also idk if it counts but I see vanlock as strictly fwb. Some dynamics are better platonic I think. -Most predictable thing for an aromantic to say.

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

I think this question is supposed to come w a character on it but since aai2 is fresh on the brain I'm gonna say that Sebastian Debeste is a perfect precious darling boy and everyone better be nice to him immediately or I'm gonna start breaking things. Also idk how unpopular this is I just wanna say that I hc him changing his last name to Courtney post-canon. He deserves it.

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

I am a wrightworth shipper, I am, you all know I am, but speaking also as an aro, y'all need to calm down so much. Miles is extremely aro-coded. Miles specifically also has a lot of trauma and trust issues baked into his character arc. Is there a lot of lines that can be read as romantic? Absolutely. Do I personally think they're in love? For sure. But I think y'all need to also consider/respect other readings. No, "unnecessary feelings" isn't ~exclusively~ romantic, like that's literally not the context of the line. Fandoms in general, especially ones with a major, near-universal ship like this, tend to flatten interesting dialogue and character arcs down to plain romance and I feel like it's a massive disservice to the story that the creators are trying to tell. Also it always turns into overzealous amatonormative fans accusing creators of queerbaiting because they do not know the meaning of that word. I'm a hypocrite tho, I also talk about how canonically married they are, but like. Idk I feel like that's just another huge dose of reading comprehension that all fandom people need in general.

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

Honestly nothing so concrete comes to mind but there are a few cases that I would have liked to rewrite. The very end of turnabout revolution, for example, or all of dual destinies, or maybe exploring some interesting avenues like what if Justine really was the culprit at the end of aai2 (tho I do adore who the culprit ends up being, I just want Shi-Long to be right for once), but while it's straying away from the original prompt a bit, I think the biggest thing I would change about aa is to give Klavier more depth of character, explore his feelings relating to his brother and how he handles the fallout, and for the love of god have him come back more. There is so much potential for tragedy in a character like him, but I feel like they rush any angst he may have and it's a major disappointment. I lie awake at night thinking about what he could have been.

[kingv91]

A Word to the Defense of Liam Payne

Unless you’ve been on a social media hiatus lately, or simply just are generally unaware of the goings on within the general One Direction Fandom, there’s been at least a 3-4 day war going on filled with all kinds of hate, name calling, division, and just general anger within the fandom both at each other and just at the circumstances and at its center is an ill-fated interview that Liam Payne participated in on Logan Paul’s podcast “Impaulsive.”

The result, as you may be able to surmise from my introduction to this, were catastrophic for both Liam and for the fandom at large, especially those who consider, or considered, themselves OT5’s.

But before we get to what the fallout of the interview was, let’s actually talk about what the interview contained, because I am not in the business of spreading misinformation.

The first thing we should note, is that Liam was drinking throughout the interview (more on that later) and Logan was a bit late. Logan mentions the time but Liam shrugs him off, and so the interview begins. He talks a bit about Veecon and his alcoholism (he said he was wasted and drunk, again more on that later) then later on he talks about the X Factor and early One Direction Years.

This is were people begin to get things twisted and start to take his words out of context. He started talking about how he and Louis hated each other because Louis was “wild” and he wasn’t, he was attacked. This isn’t the first time he’s said this, and moreover, Louis has said this as well. He also spoke about how he had more solos in the early years of the band and so on and how Louis later found his voice, all of which is corroborated by Louis and is in fact true (this was noted by fans in the early years). Later he starts talking about the insane rhythm they had to deal with and Logan says “That’s insane! How does a man’s brain comprehend all of this?” Liam answers, “It doesn’t.”

Liam also goes on to joke about death (a suicidal tendency if you know what you’re looking for) when he says “I’ve been trying to put myself to sleep for years.” And goes on to talk about how he came to blows with a member of his team (this is post One Direction btw).

Now we come to the next bit where Liam gets into hot water because it’s where he talks about Zayn. Logan begins to bring it up so Liam cuts him off so Logan can’t spin it and says “before we get too deep with this, there are many reasons why I dislike Zayn AND many reasons why I’ll be always, ALWAYS, on his side.” He goes into how his family and Logan’s were supportive, sometimes overly supportive, giving the implication that Zayn’s was not, however he never said that (but the implication is there), however he said “it would be easy to accuse them of being a dick for something they said or did without considering the whole context.” He never once said that Zayn was a dick.

Could he have put it a better way? Absolutely, he could have left Zayn’s family and background out entirely as it wasn’t his story to share, but it’s out there now so it’s what we have to deal with. What he DID say is that he didn’t agree with everything that Zayn does or says, but he will always be on his side.

Continuing on into the interview, he says he’s a person who’s easily influenced by the energy of the people around and by what they say. Something that has been repeated to him over the years is “If I was you, I’d be dead by now.” And he also touched on the fact that his psychologist told him that one of the most important things that parents are supposed to give to children once they turn 16 is freedom, but once in the band, they received the exact opposite for fear of being mobbed. Because of this, he at times suffers from agoraphobia.

One of the last things he said seriously before the interview wrapped up was “I don’t know who I am, I replicate different people on a daily basis.”

Credits for the breakdown of the interview here:

So let’s talk about it.

Full disclosure: I’m a Larrie so I look beyond face value when things like this happen.

I’ve addressed some things in the discussion up above (the Louis thing, and some of the Zayn stuff), but I’ve not gotten to all of it. First I’ve seen some things regarding Harry and how he would rather “eat a water scorpion than rank the other boys’ music” regarding his appearance on the Late Late Show.

Let’s address that now shall we? It was scripted.

Every single one of the skits on that show are scripted. Spill Your Guts is no exception. Ergo, he was never gonna answer the question. Additionally, even if it wasn’t scripted, he actually had an option to not answer, in this instance, Liam had to answer.

Liam doesn’t usually have to dodge questions, Harry has LOTS of experience dodging questions, Louis too. Liam is generally forthright when answering questions because he’s asked questions that concern HIM and HIM ALONE.

Some examples of him clumsily dodging questions are the iconic “vocal rest” interview, or when they were asked about the bears.

Liam doesn’t do dodging questions or deflections well.

A few other things before I go to wrap this up, the old song and dance about Both Ways being biphobic/homophobic. We get it. Y’all were hurt and your feelings are valid.

However.

He’s apologized and educated himself. You’re doing no one any favors (least of all yourself) by continuing to hate on him for a song that he, a bisexual woman, and three other people wrote and released in 2019.

I’m sorry if it seems insensitive, but time waits for no one and holding a grudge is like willingly keeping a slow acting poison in your bloodstream. Literally toxic.

As for the whole Niall “unfollowing” Liam, he never followed him in the first place and he didn’t know. It never happened so, that’s old news. Just another thing to add to the misinformation dumpster fire.

Lastly, Liam’s alcoholism and mental health.

I mentioned before that Logan mentioned the time when Liam was drinking and Liam shrugged him off. Liam was drinking a whiskey neat. For those of you who don’t know, Whiskey is a strong spirit. Not too long ago Liam was opening up about his sobriety and his struggles with alcohol, well it looks as though he’s fallen off the wagon.

Logan’s comment about the time is significant because that means it was an unusual time to be drinking, a clear sign of addiction.

Allow me to make an analogy. Addiction of any kind is like weaving a tapestry. You weave and weave and your drug of choice is the threads. The moment you decide to quit, you weave less often until you stop altogether, but there’s a catch, what you’ve already weaved is still there.

You see when you’re dealing with addiction and you try to quit but you come back to it, you’re not starting back at zero. You’re picking up where you left off. You’re picking up the tapestry and beginning to weave where to left off.

When the tapestry is complete…It’s a drug overdose, or alcohol poisoning, or any number of things that could cause death.

The fact that Liam is drinking again means that he’s picked up his personal addiction tapestry again and his drug of choice is of course, alcohol.

The fact that he’s so casually joking about death is a red flag too as it’s a suicidal tendency and a sign of depression.

The only thing that I can hope for is that he’s getting the help he needs and that he will stay away from social media for at least a few months. He doesn’t need to see all of this.

[obaewankenope]

hi hello may I request soft/angsty! absconding w harry concepts? through some *vague handwaving* circumstances harry gets deaged, so crowley and aziraphale have to deal w 5/6 yr old harry both soft BABEY shenanigans but also them realizing the extent of harry's neglect/abuse bc he's not quite old enough to try to hide it

"Okay, so, maybe I didn't think this through." a Anthony J-for-Janthony Crowley stared at the trembling five year old staring at him in the middle of the bookshop.

"Really?" Aziraphale said. "I couldn't tell."

Crowley gave The Angel of The Lord™ a glare from behind his sunglasses. The glare was lost on Aziraphale because: 1) sunglasses, and 2) the Angel didn't care about his glaring.

"In my defence," Crowley began, before he stopped. "Listen," he tried again. "I thought it wouldn't work." He shrugged a shoulder—a little helplessly, but not too helplessly; after all, demon. "It's not like you thought it'd work either!"

Crowley pointed a finger at The Angel of The Lord™. "Besides," he continued. "Why do you even have that book? I thought Heaven went and burnt all the copies; even the one they had in the Golden Library."

Aziraphale, sneaky bastard that he was, shifted on his feet and smiled that awkward, I-appear-innocent-and-harmless-but-really-I'm-not smile of his. "Ah, well. Funny story that." The Angel's hands fidgeted with a button on his vest. "I was minding the library that day—as a favour, you know—and—well—I couldn't just let a book be burnt because it contained some Forbidden Knowledge now, could I? What sort of bibliophile would I be if I'd let that happen? So I..."

"You stole it."

"I liberated it."

"You nicked it."

"I rescued it from an undeserving fate."

"You absconded with a book from the bloody Golden Library and hid it here in this bookshop mortals visit and left it on a shelf a twelve-year-old could reach it!"

Aziraphale grimaced. "Yes," he said. "I—uh—suppose that's accurate."

Crowley sighed. "How long does it last?"

The Angel studied the book on the table—open on the page with the spell Mortals Should Not Try—and frowned. "Ah, well," he began.

"Well?"

"It—uhm—oh my." Aziraphale looked at the twelve- now five-year-old still stood in the middle of the bookshop. He hadn't spoken the entire time; or moved. "We need to provide something that was lacking at the time the spell has returned him to."

Crowley frowned. "Provide what?"

"I'm afraid it doesn't specify."

"So how'd we figure out what he needs?" Crowley glared at the book. That, at least, trembled; good, it should fear him. "Does he need a trip to Disneyland or—I don't know—the zoo, Angel?"

Aziraphale closed the book with a SNAP of pages, and turned his attention to the temporary five-year-old. "Harry," he said, in that Kind™ way of his. "Can you tell me how you feel right now? We need to understand what happened and how best to help you, but we need to you to tell us how you're feeling."

Harry stared at Aziraphale with those big, green eyes of his. Aziraphale and Crowley could both see the wariness in his eyes; the kid was weighing up what answer to give.

"I'm hungry."

Aziraphale blinked. "I can make you a sandwich."

"And cold."

Crowley snapped his fingers. A blanket settled on Harry's shoulders. "Solved."

Harry stared at Crowley. He stared at the blanket on his shoulders. He stared at Aziraphale. "How-"

"Magic," Crowley answered the question Harry began to ask. "It's magic. You have magic too. That's why you're five right now. You're normally twelve. You look the same but you're a bit taller at twelve."

Harry bit his lip. "The same?"

Aziraphale nodded. "Yes, you still have the same hairstyle, same face. Though we acquired new spectacles for you, and a far nicer wardrobe than your previous one," the Angel told Harry.

"Why?"

Crowley saw Aziraphale frown. He stepped in to answer before the Angel could Be A Little Offended At Being Asked Why He Would Be Kind.

"You're our kid, why wouldn't we get you new things to wear?"

Harry's eyes, already wide, grew bigger. His mouth dropped open a little. He looked like a fish, but in a cute way. How fish could be cute, Crowley wasn't quite sure, but goldfish were kinda okay...

"Your kid?" Harry blinked several times. "Wha- I- My Aunt and Uncle-"

"We adopted you," Aziraphale said. The Angel's voice was as gentle as downy feathers were soft. "You live with us, here, Harry. You don't- you will never sleep in a cupboard again. You have your own room. You have friends who visit. You read many books and have fun. You're not-" Aziraphale stopped. He bit his own lip.

"You're not alone, anymore," Crowley told the five-year-old. "You'll never be alone."

Harry looked at Crowley. "Oh."

Aziraphale and Crowley glanced at each other. They communicated perfectly in that moment, and knelt down in front of Harry. "Can we- would you- uh-"

Crowley rolled his eyes at the Angel's dithering. "Can we hug you, Harry?"

Harry stared at them. "No one has ever hugged me before," he told them, sounding confused and hopeful and a little bit scared.

Crowley didn't like feeling rage. He didn't. It was loud and demanding and always gave him a headache after. He was okay with anger. Frustration. Ire. But rage... Now that was a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

Unfortunately, Harry's words brought out rage. He hid it away, and let Harry tuck himself between an Angel and a Demon. But Crowley promised—he promised—that Vernon and Petunia Dursley would know no joy, no pleasure, no happiness in life. They would feel nothing good.

And with the rage of One Of The Fallen, the universe moved to make it so.

The hug, at least, broke the spell and returned their twelve-year-old Harry to them, who didn't let go of them both. If anything, Harry hugged them tighter.

"Thank you," he mumbled into Aziraphale's shoulder.

"For what, dear one?" The Angel asked, stroking the crown of Harry's head.

"For giving me my first hug when I was five," Harry answered. He lifted his head enough to look at them both. "I always wondered who the people who hugged me were, even if I couldn't remember what they'd said until now."

Crowley and Aziraphale stared at Harry. Crowley looked at Aziraphale. Aziraphale looked at Crowley.

Neither of them could explain Harry's memories. His five-year-old self shouldn't remember them, not the way he so clearly did before the spell. That... This reeked of something Bigger Than Them pulling some strings.

Crowley wasn't sure he liked that thought or not, so he did what he did best; he shoved it aside in his brain to focus on the now. He'd ask questions later, in his flat, where the fallout wouldn't affect his Angel and their kid.

Hopefully.

[something-very-special]

Call Her Back

Probably already a post with this title from the Let’s Play but it’s appropriate.

Thoughts on Replicant up to Ending A (and change):

This game is pretty. I guess it didn’t really hit me because I’ve always thought that the original NIER was pretty, but this game can be very pretty.

This in particular just kind of struck me as I was going across the Northern Plains. It had been dominantly gray, overcast skies up to that point because Part II of the game is meant to be. You know. Bleak. But I walked out onto a bright, sunny day with an expanse of blues skies, the mountains in the backgrounds, the ivy a burst of green growing up the rusted sides of the train tracks and it just kind of hit me that the game can be very pretty.

(Then I got punched out by a Shade.)

It’s definitely not a matter of massive graphical overhaul. The models look much better (getting a good look at the Twins during the finale, they really are beautiful) and I’m sure the environmental poly count is much higher and just overall smoother, and there are little touches here and there and just the capacity for better atmospheric lighting... I mean it all helps. But NIER is a game that’s always had fantastic art direction, making the most out of its budget through atmospheric tuning. There’s something uniquely beautiful about its muted palette and the way it uses its spaces that elevates it beyond the its actual technical limitations. It doesn’t look like an end-of-generation PS4 game, but that’s not an insult; it looks very much like itself from ten years ago, with its solid art direction, but touched up where it matters.

Does the sidequest grind seem... better...? I haven’t really dug into the BEST part of the game (spending 30 hours grinding out weapon upgrades) but I mentioned before my theory about how the sidequest grind is supposed to be carried out across multiple playthroughs and that’s why it sucks. To my surprise I finished Ending A missing only one sidequest (your friend and mine, Life in the Sands), with all of the other ones being more or less... pretty natural? The only thing I really needed to go out of my way for was Memory Alloy but all the other components didn’t really give me the kind of grief I remember from my playthroughs of the original. ‘Grief’ of course being relative to getting the platinum trophy, but my first time through the game I gave up finishing a few outstanding sidequests (specifically, fixing the lighthouse broke me-- I could not find 10 Mysterious Switches!)

Maybe I just got lucky, especially with the Machine Oils. Maybe some weird muscle memory kicked in. I feel like there were a few purchasing options that weren’t open originally, too, to ameliorate some of the grind, but it might also be a case of those options being cost-prohibitive so I just didn’t really acknowledge them... whatever the case the sidequest grind felt overall pretty painless. I dunno!

I really need to know how to manipulate events. For literally seven playthroughs straight of the latter half of the game I always did the keystone quest as Junk Heap (start) - Forest of Myth - Junk Heap (end) - Facade - Aerie. It wasn’t until I did a run with my college roommates and Popola gave me the Aerie letter before the Facade in invite that I realized the Aerie wasn’t actually programmed to be the last event.

Absolutely blew my mind, and ever since I became aware of it, it feels like the game goes out of its way to make sure the Aerie always comes before Facade. When I did my Let’s Play of NIER I kept a save file from the start of the kystone collection so I could re-do the events in case they went ‘out of order’ (according to my headcanon)... which they did. I replayed the latter half of the game again in order to get things the way I wanted them to be, same order, and fortunately it cooperated the second time, but I still don’t understand what the trigger is, if there’s a way to manipulate it, or when the determination is even made.

And then they throw the Little Mermaid into the mix, which I wasn’t expecting (that is, I knew it was added, but I’ve been mostly avoiding spoilers -- and happily, the changes have largely been a delight, I’m so excited for the subsequent playthroughs -- but the way it was posted about made it seem like it would happen after and apart from the keystone quest. Not so, my friends).

The reason for this is just the emotional escalation of each factor of the quest. The Forest of Myth is weird and little else (at this juncture, of course). The Junk Heap is a personal tragedy, but the actual tragedy has already occurred and you’re just experiencing the fallout. Facade is a powerful and personal tragedy that deserves to be experienced later on. The Aerie is a terrible place and nobody misses it it’s an enormous loss and profoundly traumatic for the party, and it feels like the appropriate apex to basically force them to go to the Castle and finish the fight, having already lost far too much.

Also it’s just super weird to me that they see that devastation, they literally wipe an entire settlement off the map, and then the next day everybody’s super excited to go to a wedding.

It also becomes even weirder that you go to Popola post-Aerie and nobody mentions ‘yeah that didn’t go so well’ but coming out of Seafront they have a legitimate conversation about the loss of the ferryman and the people they’re never getting back. I guess that guy had a personality but I still think maybe somebody should mention the smoking crater where people used to be.

Then again it’s legitimately funny to me how basically everybody is just agreed the world is better off without it.

This might also just be an issue of familiarity. Maybe if I’d always ended on Facade, or actually known that they could be swapped out as they are, it wouldn’t feel so weird. I definitely got used to the pacing with the Aerie at the end and I feel like I got into a debate with somebody about how it’s more appropriate for Facade to come last so this might just be a personal thing. But it’s still a personal thing and I’m still vaguely irritated I can’t figure out how it works.

Anyway I blew up the Aerie So that’s that problem taken care of.

I feel like the ambiance surrounding Wendy was a little creepier this time. I swear I heard that good stock creepy child laughter in the background.

Then the ferryman left This was a nice bit of foreshadowing; following the Aerie events I wanted to hop over to Seafront to take care of an extant sidequest only to find the ferry dock in the Northern Plains empty. I thought that maybe this was just a weird way of railroading you to make sure you went through the Village first, even though there were no scenes that would trigger just by being in the Village.

Alas.

Not gonna lie, when the couple was first introduced I thought for SURE it was going to be the wife who wound up dead. I guess it’s because the guy had a purpose as an NPC so yeah, I was tricked. Good design decision; the ferryman is talkative and bright and definitely difficult to forget and even though he was kinda obnoxious there’s a definite void where his dialogue was. It’s clever too that you’re forced to use the ferry at least once so you can’t escape the dialogue that you’re presented with, meaning that even if you don’t really make use of the ferry you’ll always have that contrast between him at the start of Part II and the other guy (his brother, maybe?) taking over the job and just not really talking to you afterward.

Episode Mermaid First of all, to be clear, I’ve not done the Route B playthrough yet. All I know about the Little Mermaid is what’s presented on the surface, what can be gleaned from there, what I remember reading in the Grimoire NieR short story. This is very much just an impression and reaction to the first encounter and it’s pretty cool.

I like that they managed to go into yet another genre style aping a point-and-click adventure.

I like the atmosphere of the wrecked ship. It really brought me back to the ‘ghost ship’ level archetype with its little hints of spookiness.

I appreciate that it ties subtly in to the Haunted Manor (technically the Part I Seafront dungeon) with Weiss’ utterly irrational fear of ghosts.

I love every excuse they find to get Kaine and Emil (and especially Kaine) out of a situation. It’s almost a running gag that Kaine keeps getting knocked out of dungeons and boss fights. None of them are quite as great as her getting Rules Lawyer’d in the Barren Temple, but there’s something delightful about “Let’s get you some fresh air, we’ll be right outside, be careful!” and then bookending it with Kaine and Emil just chilling at the end like “Well yeah there are a lot of holes in the hull we just popped in.”

(I forgot to go backward to see what happens if you try to take them into Seafront proper, gotta remember that next time.)

Interesting thing when you find some of the dropped apples is that Nier and Weiss talk about the dinner they had with the couple. This was actually a really sweet and oddly emotional conclusion to the added sidequest between the bickering couple-- entirely missable. I would assume the dialogue just doesn’t trigger if you didn’t do the quest but it was a nice touch.

I appreciate the use of dead bodies in the hold.

(That’s a sentence.)

But for the game’s focus on violence and excess of blood it’s very selective in how it uses actual corpses. Any time you see a dead body it really emphasizes the seriousness of the situation. The corpses in the hold and the blood spatter -- especially compared to how bright and clean Seafront as a whole is -- was surprisingly effective. Again, just good atmospheric buildup.

Bit of an anticlimax as a boss, though. It is a really cool boss, between the environmental buildup to the fight and then actually unveiling her, but for how big and scary she is the fight itself went by fairly quick, and the actual finale (the postman whacking her hand telling her to go away she’s groooooss) felt a bit weird in comparison to the way the boss fights in the rest of the game usually play out. Of course, I don’t have context of her dialogue (I can take my guesses, her holding out her hand to Hans as he freaks out and attacks her is already a palpable tragedy) and by the way the scene was framed I suspect the Route B reveal is where the most important part of the scenario lies.

And the seals came back! It’s the little things.

“I wish I was Fyra.” So in the original Replicant the conversation between Emil and Nier before Sech’s wedding was apparently an implication that Emil had a crush on Nier and wanted to marry him. It was ambiguous enough that people had to ask for clarification and some players interpreted it as a weird, childish expression of looking up to and respecting Brother Nier. It was clarified in the Grimoire NieR that Emil is gay and crushing hard on Brother Nier, and this line of dialogue here seems to have been... not made explicit, but changed even between RepliCant and ver. 1.22 to make the implication a little clearer, at least insofar as he isn’t interested in girls. (It winds up missing the implication that he’s into Nier specifically, though.)

...which is funny, because it colors his introduction to the King of Facade somewhat differently. These two meeting is honestly really sweet on a few levels (Sechs recognizing him from Nier’s descriptions, which implies that Nier’s been visiting Sechs regularly and so proud of his interactions with Emil he told the king of another nation all about him, and the King is legit excited to meet him) but then a couple of minutes later Emil is all ‘I’m so jealous of Fyra’. He isn’t crushing on Nier, but he is totally crushing on Sechs.

Endgame At this point in the game the distinction between Brother and Father has become mostly lost and the final charge is pretty much the same as

wait what’s up with the music in the Lost Shrine? This is Snow in Summer.

Or an arrangement thereof. That particular track level from Snow in Summer winds up getting used in a few new places and it has this kind of weird, vague sense of dread that makes it work pretty well. Utterly threw me off in the Lost Shrine, though (I think it’s appropriate given its connection to the Shadowlord/Gestalt Nier so slowly re-introducing it in the climb is pretty cool). It also builds insanely as you climb, which is a very cool effect but, um, I’m just here to pick up some sidequest items right now this feels like a little much.

There isn’t much to say regarding any impact or differences in the large part of this area of the game. It’s a good final dungeon, it carries good momentum, it works as well as it ever did (that is to say, rather well). The emotional beats are great and translate equally well between the protagonists, although I have to give the nod to Papa Nier during a lot of this just for the imagery of such a big, powerful man becoming so broken the further he goes in (and Kaine being strong enough to toss him around like a rag doll anyway).

The final flashback with Nier and Yonah also feels better with Papa Nier. I always read it as, of course, Papa Nier having his moment with Yonah, giving her the flower, and as he lays back down Yonah does the same big sigh like she’s trying to emulate her dad and it’s really sweet. This is another one of those moments where it’s not something that feels wrong in Replicant, but just having that comparison in the back of my head is something that I just can’t help.

Is Papa Nier still Best Neir? Yes.

But there’s room in my heart for Brother. I’m glad the bizarre marketing decision happened and both of these characters can exist.

...and then we reload the save. Okay, okay, so-- so here’s the thing-- I figured that’s a good place to conclude a session, right? Get to the ending, prepare for the next run. But I also know that Route B starts with Kaine’s unskippable novel segments. I’ve read them, of course, so I figure I’ll just reload into Route B so I can make a save after the novel sections, really get into the meat of Route B when I’m fresh.

So skim through those--

Beat up the Knave--

Skim through the rest--

Educated Warrior... didn’t pop...?--

Wait what’s this camera angle--

Why am I outs--

oh my god

oh my god

KAINE AND EMIL HAVING GIGGLY GIRL TALK AROUND THE CAMPFIRE OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

THERE’S MORE.

THERE’S. MORE.

I legit short-circuited. Going in I knew they added the Little Mermaid. I knew they added Ending E. Those were things I suspected would be added and went out to specifically confirm; beyond that I’ve been keeping myself completely spoiler free.

I had no idea there was more. I had no idea this was happening.

I’m so excited.

And a goofy thought for the road

“I polished you with a special cloth, I poured warm water on you--”

“Wait, you poured water on me?”

/imagines Emil running blindfolded eight hours across the Southern Plains with an 8oz plastic water cup, getting to the library, splashing it on Kaine, waiting expectantly

/nothing happens

/walks dejectedly eight hours all the way back to the Manor

[whetstonefires]

Hi Whetstonefire. I have a question about the comic where Nightwing cheats on Starfire with Barbara: What happens directly after that? Does Starfire find out that Nightwing cheated on her? And, if so, how does she react? I've read online that (according to Marv Wolfman) Starfire is the opposite of everything Batman taught Nightwing to be and that Batman taught Nightwing to be repressed and cold. What did Nightwing contribute (emotionally) to the relationship between him and Starfire? (Cont.)

(Cont.) From what I can tell, from online, Nightwing was adamant about standards of mercy and monogamy - how do you think, if Starfire were to be written as her own character and not written around Nightwing and his emotional needs, she would handle and react to that? (This bit is an FYI for other readers: this is just speculation, not hate. Sorry about that.) Sorry about the questions! Have a nice day! 

Okay there are so many separate questions packed in here! I may miss some of them lol and I do not want to put in the hours it would take to produce an orderly response to all this, so this post is going to be a mess.

Initial query and important point: the cheating story was out of continuity. Like, literally, not just by ‘being rejected by the fanbase,’ it was just this weird retcon oneshot that seems to have been some sort of fuck-you to Nightwing or his fans or something. So no, it had no in-setting fallout lol. It, in more ways than most comics, didn't exactly happen.

It was just this weird thing where Dick hooks up with Babs before giving her a wedding invitation, which is both out of character for him in general and out of step with where he was leading up to the wedding--he was desperate to get married so they could have some Normal Stable Adulthood Happiness; the choice to recharacterize him as a fuckboy who regards it as a loss of freedom isn’t congruent, on much more than the level of principle.

As far as how Kori would feel about it, if she had learned...that is very hard to say. Apart from how it would require her to reinterpret everything about where their relationship stood at that point, the data is very unclear, and I don’t even have all of it. Gonna back up to cover some of the rest of the ask, get some context here.

So this actually brings up two of my biggest gripes with Wolfman’s NTT--weird Kori characterization and the weirdly negative interpretation of Batman as parent that backwashed heavily into other titles and influenced the character for the worse, in ways we're very much still dealing with today. 😩

The latter is pretty self-explanatory, though Wolfman’s take that the main thing Bruce taught Dick was repression does shed light on some writing choices and make others funnier. But Kori. Oh my lands.

So, item one, I wouldn't say that Kori is overall opposite Bruce, or even of his philosophy? There are just some very major points of opposition. She isn’t emotionally buttoned-down like at all, especially about positive feelings, although considered realistically with all the bullshit they’ve piled into her backstory she absolutely leans on repression to cope and stay positive, which makes her a lot like Dick actually.

To an extent, she was clearly written around foiling Dick’s Batman-derived traits in the same way that Robin was written to foil Batman, bright and glad and aerial. A Flamebird to his Nightwing in theme if not in name.

You could do some interesting stuff with that, and the bildungsroman aspects of this period of Dick’s life, like he has two roads forward in terms of how he’s going to define ‘adulthood’--does it necessarily require becoming more like his mentor-father, for good and ill, or can he make Kori in part a destination, as it were, and create an adult self that is derived from who he has always been as well as the man he’s modeled himself after?

To an extent I think this even was one of the things going on in ntt but like. Only a little bit.

(Given how much like Bruce Babs is in most of the ways Kori isn’t, especially once she’s Oracle, you could make a case for her as love interest being like. Symbolic of his not being in a rebellious phase? That gets weird and oedipal really fast tho lol.)

Okay stepping down one meta level lol, the thing about answering the 'what would kori' question here is that her character is deeply bound up in her culture, about which we are told and shown a great many contradictory things. Any attempt to read her as an independent character has to tackle not only the gender stuff you allude to and these inconsistencies, but how much of the sheer mess of her is rooted in racism.

'Fantastic' racism, technically, because Tamaraneans aren't real, but the 'taming the savage' narrative that kept surfacing between them and the language used in reference to it is just. The existing racism of presumably the writers, placed in Dick's mouth, and it's super gross. I hate it so much.

(I had a faint hope when they cast her for live action it was with a deliberate intent to directly tackle and better that history, but lollllllll nah. At least they didn’t double down in it tho! Can you imagine, with a black actress, in this day and age....)

So to predict and comprehend Kori, you have to make a lot of calls about Tamaran as a civilization. I like to slightly privilege stuff established earlier if there's no good reason not to, so while much is made over time of her inappropriate rage and the violence she was raised to normalize, I think what she says in her first appearance is good to keep in mind: in her culture, kindness is for friends and cruelty is for enemies. She doesn't understand why the Titans seem to have this backwards.

Kori is not a merciless person. She’s very empathetic, as a rule. With people she loves, she is self-destructively forgiving. That's not a trait only Dick benefits from--her family keeps betraying her in new exciting ways, and she keeps letting them.

Her arc of growing away from that habit is however greatly crippled by centering Dick in the narrative and by the awful 'civilizing' overtones that keep coming into it. When she comes back after the 1986 breakup, still married to Karras, she brings with her a commitment to doing things the Earth way--to eschew lethal force as more than a compromise with her friends’ values, but as a deliberate choice.

This deserved a lot more space and time than it got, and the fact that it didn’t get it is only somewhat due to her being subordinated to Dick and to general writing fail; a lot of it’s just the team book problems of everything happening to everybody all at once.

I mean, Dick’s journey later on to deciding he loves her enough to date her even though she’s married and it’s technically against his principles was packed into this absolutely heinous issue where he was inspired by a woman refusing to separate from her husband who’d just threatened to kill her and their kid with a knife, until being stopped by Nightwing. Because he’s apologizing for what he did.

This is his inspiration for accepting Kori’s marital status! It’s supposed to be heartwarming, as far as I can tell! Not heavyhanded messaging that this is a self-destructive terrible choice in which Kori will inevitably harm him somehow! This issue is pro ‘consensual open relationships under certain circumstances’ and also ‘giving abusers another chance’ as expressions of love. Welcome to the 80s ig.

(Notable is that the wife in this issue was black and the husband and son both looked very white, so it’s probably her stepkid and she probably wouldn’t get to keep him if they separated; this is not even vaguely treated as a factor.)

Point is, everyone was getting too little space to actually go through the amount of development they were getting, and it was clumsily handled; it’s not just her.

In an overlapping period Gar processed his issues with his adoptive father with whom he constantly fought and their shared trauma over the rest of their family (the Doom Patrol) having died violently not long ago via a batshit several-issue storyline where Mento went crazy, created supermutants, and abusively mind-controlled them to attack the Titans. It is literally all like this.

Back to the infidelity thing, now. So much to unpack. So like I mentioned above, their first big breakup, while partially driven by Dick’s existing conflicted feelings about their different ideas about things like ‘killing in battle’ and ‘her identity and loyalties being tied up with her home planet,’ is explicitly over different takes on monogamy.

When Dick is breaking up with her, Kori makes it clear she thinks it’s totally reasonable to have both a husband and a love, since Karras also has someone he loves and they’re both fine with it, but the story doesn't really explain how nonmonogamy works on Tamaran, or even if it's practiced outside the context of political marriage. They do do a sort of...soulbond fusion dance...thing, as part of the ceremony, so marriage is definitely serious business. There are so many levels of cultural difference that get poor to no development.

But to return to the weird ooc retcon cheating story: because of this context, no matter what her personal norms are, Dick specifically casually sleeping with someone else would be something for Kori to be mad about, because of the hypocrisy.

Then there’s the Mirage Incident, which I haven’t read through properly and which was very poorly handled by the writers. Kori is upset about Dick having slept with someone impersonating her and there’s a general vibe of this being treated by Dick’s social circle as unfaithfulness even though he was in fact sexually violated by deceit; it famously sucks.

We still don’t learn a lot here about Kori’s ideas about monogamy, from what I have seen, because her focus is mostly on feeling like Dick doesn’t care about her enough or in the right way since he couldn’t tell the difference. Which is an understandable feeling, even if it’s not an appropriate reaction to have at him at this time.

What Nightwing contributed emotionally........hm. This is a mess, honestly; he was all over the map, and not just because of having Brother Blood in his head. I cannot speak definitively on this, it’s too inconsistent.

For most of their relationship, Kori was the more intensely invested one, the one to initiate and the one who was shown at length to be excited to come home at the end of the day to their shared apartment because her boyfriend was there to see and talk to. If we set aside his more egregious white male bullshit, Dick was pretty emotionally available most of the time, though? They were cute.

Since they split up a lot of ink has been spilled making him less into her in retrospect, but he was pretty invested--leaving her coincided with mental breakdowns both times, and it wasn’t even mostly because she was doing his emotional processing for him, because she wasn’t, although it’s fair to say he often fell into using the relationship as an emotional crutch. Kori was definitely doing the same thing though so...it wasn’t the most balanced relationship in fiction history, but apart from slight codependency and the racism, it was decent enough.

She gets more evenhanded development than most superhero love interests, honestly, because she was costarring in a team book. She had her own storylines. She had other friends.

Mostly both of them just needed some space to finish growing up and stop being retraumatized long enough to process some of the existing trauma better, and I think they could have gone on being good for each other for a long time.

[degenderates]

grindeldore orrrrr snily if you’re still doing the problematique ship ask game (feel free to pick but feel also free to do both ☺️❤️)

yeah let’s do it! i lost the original post so i had to dig through my ask game tag, but i found it!! here we go, why not for both? because these 2 are tied for my second favorite hp ship right after tomarry

grindeldore

a) do i ship it: absolutely!!

b) why i do ship it: well first of all, it’s hella angsty, AND my favorite ship dynamic - allies to friends to lovers to enemies to enemies-while-lovers. aka, the whole crazy drama mish-mash. the i truly love the “i-can’t-fight-him” dynamic and eventual breaking point that goes on in the FB series, but my favorite aspect of this has always been the summer of 1899 shit. the buildup. the fallout. the tension of albus not being all in--or in some fics, being all in for their grand plans and then realizing that he’s being a shitty, racist person, and having to come to terms with that. it’s just :chefkiss: so heartbreaking. poor albus. and i love angst.

c) what makes it toxic: i suppose because it’s been endorsed in such an odd and uncomfortable way from [redacted], whose shipping opinions we can’t really trust (or trust in any regard because she’s a terf). also the fact that grindelwald is a muggle hater and a wizard supremacist, so you know. that’s pretty problematic. but it’s never been about saying he’s been a good person, or that their relationship is healthy. it’s so fucked up and i love it.

d) what makes it ship-worthy: all of what i said in part b basically! i know this *could* become canon, also, but i don’t think it will. i don’t consider what [redacted] says as canon, i rely only on source material, so it’s not canon to me as of now, but i guess if you’re someone who ships based on hoping for something to be canon, there’s that. this is never my reason for shipping things, but if you do, come get your queerbaiting juice! okay, that was mean. i was personally offended by that joke. but w h a t e v e r XD

snily

a) do i ship it: yessss.

b) why i do: god. this dynamic. there are SO many directions you can go in. while i’ve written darker, angstier, and smuttier stuff for them before, i actually prefer the complete opposite of what i love about the grindeldore dynamic - aka, i love the fluff and cuteness that is their childhood friendship and then potential romance during the marauder’s era. i just want them to be happy. and yes, it is true that the chapter “the prince’s tale” breaks me every time i read it.

c) what makes it toxic: basically the same thing as grindeldore but on a less grand scale. although with snape, it’s different than grindelwald, because while grindelwald is a pureblood from a privileged background and is basically the wizarding version of hitler, snape is from a poor family, is a half-blood with internalized racism [against himself], and genuinely a caring person. while he can lie and spy, he does so for love, and is never manipulative like grindelwald. so i kinda don’t see this as really toxic. i mean, i guess it is when snape calls lily a mudblood, that’s obviously terrible, but i think that says more about the crowd he’s been forced to fall into as a Slytherin during the rise of Voldemort than his actual beliefs. after all, he’s a half blood.

d) what makes it ship-worthy: aside from the fluffy aspect of their childhood and time at Hogwarts, there’s also post-lily’s death opportunities to explore, as well as the time in-between when there’s a love-hate dynamic potential, as well as AUs. like i said, i’m not really into that sort of stuff, but it’s certainly there and very angsty and dramatic!!

so wow. thanks for the ask! i guess i really love the opposite aspects of these two ships, even though they're my favorites!

[concussed-to-pieces]

The Mettle Of A Man; Part Seventeen

Fandom: Fallout (4)

Pairing: Eventual Paladin Danse/Female Sole Survivor

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Tagging @anonymouscosmos, @culturalrebel, @mercy-and-malice, @deepkittycollecto and @nelba! Enjoy!

Part One: ArcJet

Part Two: The Prydwen

Part Three: Orders

Part Four: Finding Brandis

Part Five: Weston Water And Oberland

Part Six: Meeting Preston And Matthew

Part Seven: Radstag And Radstorm

Part Eight: The Return To Sanctuary Hills

Part Nine: Domestic Ruminations

Part Ten: Institutionalized

Part Eleven: Two Weeks, Three Days

Part Twelve: Haylen’s Warning And The Glowing Sea

Part Thirteen: Under Fire

Part Fourteen: Dichotomy

Part Fifteen: The Litany Trial

Part Sixteen: Nice Try

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains intense recounts of previous abuse, intense depictions of self-loathing, self-deprecation and brief mentions of depression. Stay safe!]

Cade caught Danse before he could depart after the rest of their unofficial 'war council' had been dismissed, the medical officer inquiring, "How are you coping, Paladin? I hope that your adjustment to your newfound knowledge is going well." The arch of his eyebrow indicated plainly that Cade was looking for a clear answer, possibly to dissuade his own concerns.

  "I am still uncertain, Knight-Captain Cade." Danse stated bluntly. "I know that Quinlan's reports are accurate. I know that I must be a synth. But it is...it's difficult to wrap my head around it."

  "My door is always open, Danse. As it's been since the day you were assigned to the Prydwen." Cade reminded him. "I can't say I've ever had the pleasure of doing a mental evaluation on a synth, but…" he trailed off thoughtfully. "Hmm, that's not quite right. You and I have had sessions before. Maybe synths aren't so different in their cognition. Perhaps this is a nature versus nurture scenario."

  "Perhaps." Danse allowed, but he knew that he sounded less than optimistic.

  "Maybe in a day or two, once everything has calmed down and you've had time to think?" Cade suggested. "Collect your thoughts, then come see me and we can discuss your current state and the repercussions of Maxson's treatment."

  The paladin nodded, relieved that Cade didn't wish to immediately evaluate him. It had been an incredibly stressful and arduous several weeks. More than anything, the paladin was longing to finally get some sleep.

  After he spoke to Haylen and Rhys, of course. They deserved his gratitude, if only for their combined efforts in delivering the tip-off that had literally saved his life. To say nothing of their care for Elizabeth in his absence, even though they were unable to free her. They had kept her alive, and that was more than the paladin had dared to hope for.

  Danse watched Cade depart, his mind miles away now. Backhand would be incredibly busy in the lead up to the assault. He felt almost irritated by that; it was unfair to ask so much of her so soon after what had transpired. But the luxury of time was no longer on their side. Danse understood, in a practical sense, that they needed to strike as fast as possible. It was entirely within reason that the Institute already knew of their plans and were preparing their own countermeasures.

  It still didn't erase the hollow sensation in his gut, the fear that Backhand was all too willing to stretch herself paper-thin for her various factions. He promised himself then and there that he would do his best to absorb some of the burden. 

  As much as she would allow. 

  The memory of her ripping her knuckles apart on the manual release of his armor, talking to Matthew's parents, taking her helmet off and smiling at him. Thank you, Danse or I thought you were dead or please don't do that to me again --

  Danse chewed anxiously on his lower lip. As much as she would allow. As much as he could feasibly handle. It should have felt odd that he was trading one leader for another, but Danse could only rationalize that it must be another portion of his programming. 

  "Paladin Danse, sir?" 

  Rhys . Danse started, turning around. He hadn't even heard the knight approach down the catwalk. Hell, he hadn't even realized he was spacing out in the hallway. "Yes, Knight?" He replied, nodding out of habit to acknowledge Haylen beside Rhys.

  "Elder Brandis said you wanted to see us, sir." The knight stated, sounding a bit hesitant. "He said we needed to discuss...certain things."

  Of course he did . Danse sighed heavily, bracing himself for some level of a disappointment-fueled tirade.

  "Danse, I'm so sorry." Haylen blurted out, her voice shaking. Danse was startled, tilting his head while she carried on, "I wish there had been some other way for me to tell you. You must have been terrified ." 

  "I was certainly confused, if nothing else." The paladin admitted with a wry smile. "I am immensely grateful to both of you, regardless of my own trials. You followed your training and stuck to your guns, and I couldn't be more proud." He deflated slightly. "Even if the pride of a synth means precious little."

  "The synth shit doesn't matter to either of us, sir." Rhys muttered. "We don't care. We're just glad you're back and that Maxson didn't manage to kill you. That's the important part, right?"

  "In a way." Danse agreed, grimacing. "Our battle is far from over, however."

  "Hey, we're doing something. That's more than a lot of people can say." Haylen reasoned, ever the optimist. "I've got faith in whatever plan you guys come up with."

  "Thank you for believing in me." The paladin murmured, giving the only surviving members of Squad Gladius a stiff salute. 

  "We know you, sir. You protected us, trained us. Built us up from basically nothing." Rhys sounded angry, his typically-sullen expression gone even more sour. "You think we could ever turn our backs on you? You're not that stupid."

  Haylen began to protest, "Rhys-"

  "Haylen, you and I both know he'll just self-deprecate until he dissolves. I'm not letting that happen." Rhys grumbled at the scribe, who fell silent at his reasoning. Her eyes were narrowed to slits and the sight was immensely entertaining to Danse, who couldn't keep a nervous chuckle from bubbling up in his throat.

  "I'm certain the two of you are aware of the devastating depression you dragged me out of all those years ago in the Capital Wasteland." Danse clapped Rhys on the shoulder and caught Haylen up in a rare one-armed hug. "How many times will you two save me? Should I start taking you for granted?" 

  "Paladin Danse, sir, w-we…" Haylen trailed off, her lower lip quivering. She buried her face in Danse's ribs and Rhys grunted.

  "Haylen, c'mon . Pull it together." He huffed, his own eyes looking suspiciously wet. "Listen, sir, I think I've made our position pretty clear. We follow your orders. Learning about that shit with Maxson-"

  "I'm so angry! " Haylen interrupted him, glaring upwards. "God Danse, I'm furious . What he did to you is unforgivable, inexcusable." She announced hotly. "Everyone assumed something was going on, but we also assumed it was consensual ."

  " 'Everyone' ?" Danse echoed, a weird surge of retroactive embarrassment seizing his body. "I suppose I should be thankful you all were so willing to offer me the illusion of privacy." He mumbled.

  "He's never coming anywhere near you again, sir." Rhys stated, his jaw set in an angry scowl. "I don't care if he's the last of the Maxson line. I'll break his fucking skull."

  His words stirred Danse's guilt to life, the ugly feeling rearing its head once more. "It is a difficult situation to be in. I do not envy our elders, past or present." Danse tried to pose the sentence with a modicum of compassion, though he was unsure of the attempt's success. The paladin knew that despite Maxson's position of power, Danse bore a majority of the blame for not standing up to the elder until it was too late to prevent his spiral.

  "Difficult, my ass ." Rhys growled under his breath.

  …

  "So we've got Preston, someone by the name of John D., the…" Ingram narrowed her eyes at the readout. " Atom Cats ?"

  "Yep. Real into their power armor. And Zeke owes me a favor." Backhand explained, continuing to scroll through her Pip Boy notes. "If I can get them to walk across the pond and cover the Castle, that will free up more Minutemen to join us."

  "Should I ask how you managed to ingratiate yourself with so many of these people?" 

  "I'm a sucker for a lost cause." Vega answered, her tone dry. 

  Ingram snorted, shaking her head. "Lucky for us, I imagine. Also lucky for us that you're the forgiving sort."

  "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Proctor." Backhand retorted. "I'm just not yet in a position to combat your aerial superiority."

  "Whew, gonna' file that one away for later consideration."

  A soft knock on the comm doorway interrupted the two women, and Vega turned to see Danse peering cautiously into the room. "Paladin! You're just in time, we were about to start rallying the troops. Want to lend a hand?" 

  "What needs to be done, General Vega?" The paladin asked, his posture gone stiff and proper. 

  Backhand could feel her smile dim slightly, but she reined herself in. They had all been through so much, she reasoned, and old habits were usually a comfort. "Well, I've got a few calls to make on my own, but if you can get in touch with Lieutenant Garvey that would be a huge help."

  "Understood." 

  Proctor Ingram (who had been watching their exchange with poorly-veiled interest) stepped out of the way so that Danse could settle down at the desk alongside one of their many radio switchboards. "Vega, I think the two of you can handle this." The older woman remarked, giving Elizabeth a sly wink behind Danse's back. "I'll start whipping the base camp into shape. Make myself useful, y'know. Ad Victoriam."

  Vega went bright red as Ingram saluted, the proctor sporting an absolutely infuriating smirk. "B-But Proctor--"

  "No buts! You guys handle the easy stuff. I'll manage the elbow grease." Ingram then mouthed talk to him! , before strolling out of the comm area. Backhand swore under her breath, thumping her fist into the desk in mute frustration. 

  "I can leave, General Vega." Danse offered, making her start and whirl to face him.

  "No no! No, uh, you're fine. You're not the problem here." Vega assured him, waving her hands nervously. "I'm just...I'm a little uptight, that's all."

  "Will your forces refuse to join us?" The paladin asked, his rigid posture easing slightly as he tipped his head back to look up at her. He continued in an undertone, "Would it be simpler to do it with your troops alone? Do you truly need the Brotherhood?"

  "We do need the Brotherhood, yes. But I don't think we'll need them for the fighting. We'll need them for the mass casualty options and the refugee care after the fact." Backhand began to pace, mostly so she didn't have to maintain eye contact. The paladin looked fatigued yet determined, and it pained her to know that rest was still so far away for them. Rest and the possibility of actually speaking with him about the thing that had been on her mind in one form or another since…

  Well, it had been a long time.

  "We'll need help rebuilding more than anything. Not a lot of settlements will be keen to take on synths, so I'll need to figure out some kind of alternative. I really need to talk with Nick and Dea--er, John D ., and get their input on this whole engagement." Backhand rubbed her temples. "And here I thought getting in would be the hard part!" She tried to joke. 

  After a moment of silence, Vega heard Danse clear his throat. "General... Elizabeth , I know you already have many responsibilities, all of them miles more important than my own struggles."

  Backhand looked over at him expectantly, a little confused. 

  "I have to give Cade a full report." The tall man said abruptly. "I...he wants to know everything that's transpired." He stared down at the floor, the heel of his boot scuffing the grating beneath them as he rushed to add, "I know it's selfish of me to ask you to--I mean, you've been through so much, b-but I was...rather, I am uncertain of this endeavor, and my ability to maintain my composure during it. You tend to have a mollifying effect on me for some reason."

  "You want me to be present when you give your medical officer the full rundown?" Vega raised an eyebrow, further confused. Danse was a soldier , surely he had endured a full physical before?

  "I am overly anxious. It means reliving some portions of my past that I find...traumatic."

  "Oh." Oh . Backhand felt stupid as the truth dawned on her. Everything that's transpired . Of course Danse would want someone he trusted with him, this wasn't a physical exam at all. "What about Haylen or Rhys? Are they more appraised of the situation?"

  Danse was shaking his head before she had even finished. "I did my best to keep everything that happened quiet, though it appears that I was unsuccessful. I was told that was my only option, and I did not wish to disobey Maxson's orders." 

  "That fuckin' asshole." Vega growled. "Alright, if you're sure it's me you want with you, I'm here."

  "You don't have t--er, that is, I regret taking up more of your valuable time, General Vega. I promise after this meeting with Cade, I will be fully at your disposal." He assured her, seemingly pained by his current state.

  "Danse, I don't care about that. I don't want you better just so you can get used up again, I want you better for you . I'm sorry that all of this robs you of the proper time to regroup, y'know?" Backhand apologized, her words deliberately quiet as she boldly laced her fingers through his own. "Once we're done here, though, you need to take some time off. General's orders."

  "I would have to speak with Elder Brandis on the matter. As his most senior paladin, I am unsure if he would be able to permit me that luxury." Danse replied unhappily, giving her hand a gentle squeeze before he released it. "' A run ashore ', always just out of reach."

  "I'm getting you time off, even if I have to kidnap you myself." 

  The paladin's chuckle in reply to her threat was subdued, but it still sent a frisson of happiness through her body. Backhand choked down the guilt of having those feelings in the first place for just a second, choosing to bask in the warm sensation. 

  "When you're ready, General, I'll need the proper frequencies to speak with the Castle." Danse's request brought her crashing back down to earth, and Vega rushed to oblige him.

  There's always something else to do .

  …

  Two days later, on the cusp of their attack on the Institute, the both of them were seated in Knight-Captain Cade's main office aboard the Prydwen. The older officer sat across from them in the cramped space, a clipboard propped up on his knee.

  "The only questions I'll ask will be strictly for clarity's sake." The knight-captain informed Danse quietly. "If you don't want to answer, that is entirely acceptable and within your right, but the more information we have, the better."

  Danse nodded, the motion stilted. "I understand, Knight-Captain. I'll do my best to cooperate." 

  Vega squeezed his hand. God knew she didn't like this one damn bit, but she was going to stick it out for him. After all, he had gone to bat for her against the elder . Loyalty like that was in short supply. "I'm right here with you, Danse." She said softly. He had gone pasty white beneath his usual windblown complexion, and he gripped her hand wordlessly. 

  "If you could start at the beginning, Paladin. Or as close to it as possible." Cade prompted him.

  "Yes, I...of course." Danse rasped. "The first time we engaged was shortly before the Brotherhood lost Knight Cutler."

  Cade looked at him over his half-moon glasses, seeming perturbed. "That was...so this was a prolonged assault."

  "Not an assault. I did as I was ordered." The dull tone of Danse's voice, the way his eyes had gone almost grey ...Vega wanted to know how the hell Maxson had ever justified this. "I could not bring myself to question Arthur. He came to me, at first simply asking for help even though it was an order. He said he couldn't sleep. I...I never told Cutler. I didn't think it was relevant. I thought I was helping the new elder." Danse looked up at Cade. "I know what it's like to not be able to sleep for all the thoughts in your head."

  "Was there a specific point in time where his behavior shifted? Perhaps when it became more clear to you that there was something wrong?" Backhand was grateful for the delicate way Cade phrased the question.

  "I…" Danse's brow furrowed. "...had just come back with...after what transpired with Cutler. Four days on base. I was furious with Maxson for stationing Cutler out there, furious with myself for not saving Cutler. I was grieving and hurt both physically and emotionally, as you recall." Cade inclined his head. "I assume you also recall the bite on my arm that appeared shortly thereafter. That was a...result of my inability to perform."

  "Ah." Cade murmured, jotting something down.

  Bite? Vega could feel Danse trembling. "I-I was...unable to function or perform for him in a satisfactory manner and that was his method of voicing his frustration with me." Danse swallowed hard. "I was mourning , Cade." He sounded like he was begging the other man to understand, begging him not to judge.

  Perform for him. Backhand sucked in a deep breath through her nose, willing herself to stay silent. 

  "After that, I would just comply. It was never as bad as that time. I would perform for him to the best of my abilities." Danse paused, "but I never sought him out, and nothing occurred without me being ordered to do so." He then proceeded to rattle off a distressingly-long list of dates, every time that Maxson had coerced him. "I was not interested in...well, anyone , after Cutler." He muttered after a brief pause, "the term broken seems fitting." 

  "You weren't allowed proper space to heal yourself after what happened with Cutler. You were injured and then forced to deal with someone who kept prying open your wounds because they enjoyed lording their power over you." Cade theorized, his voice a little sharper. " Broken is not fitting in the slightest, Danse."

  The paladin shrugged. "Whatever the terminology might be, then." 

  " Traumatized , Danse. Emotional wounds take time to heal, just like physical ones. Losing Cutler in the way that we did-"

  "I deserved it!" Danse cut off the medical officer, leaning forward and clenching his free hand on his knee. "I failed Cutler, Cade! I should have gone after him sooner! The treatment from Maxson is what I deserved ." His eyes were wild, frantic. "He's an abuser, but I am a man deserving of every last instance of that abuse for my inaction when it came to Cutler!" The paladin reasoned intensely.

  Cade sighed, rifling through his clipboard. "Danse, you did not deserve or garner punishment for the consequences of Maxson's orders." He informed the other man quietly. "You were simply a man who lost someone that he cared deeply about."

  "And to find out that I'm not even that much!" Danse spat. "I'm still trying to cope with the reality that I am a living lie . My identity as Paladin Danse is nothing but a memory now. Everything I held dear, everything I ever believed in is completely gone. Can you imagine how that feels?" Danse was nearly shouting at this point, moving to stand. "I started out as nothing , and I've ended up as nothing . And I don't know what the hell to do about it!" 

  Backhand brought her hand up over his elbow, hauling him back down into his seat. " Listen to Cade, Danse." She growled. The paladin fought her grip briefly, but ultimately slumped in the chair. Good thing too, Vega wasn't exactly up to full strength just yet. The large man was shaking again, his breathing coming in harsh bursts. "It's okay, it's okay." Vega found herself repeating the phrase, rubbing circles on his back between his shoulder blades. Many members of military factions found repetition comforting and Danse appeared to be no exception, the large man heaving a massive sigh under the weight of her hand.

  "Danse, I'll fully admit to being out of my element here. I never expected to have to treat a synth." Knight-Captain Cade said plainly. "However, I've known you for many years. We have an established rapport. Your body is indistinguishable from an ordinary human body, as proved by my records. Your mental processes and pain responses are normal for a human. I suppose what I'm trying to say is learning that you are a synth may not change all that much, despite what you may be feeling."

  Danse choked out a forlorn noise that might have been a sob, burying his face in his hands. "I'm so confused." He confessed plaintively. "You're saying I did not deserve punishment for my failings, but...how else am I supposed to atone for Cutler?" He looked up, tears welling up in his eyes. "How am I supposed to reconcile with these human emotions, Cade? I barely kept myself under control when I believed I was human!"

  "Your feelings have always run deep, Danse. Your empathy for your fellow man has landed you in hot water more than once." Cade gestured at Vega. "According to our infiltrator, even the most brutal of synths feel regret and remorse just like we do, though they have not been taught how to cope with it."

  "I still feel like a human. Nothing feels different, yet now I constantly second-guess everything I do. I've had a plan from the beginning to shape my future, but I have to wonder about whether that's a lie as well." Danse remarked bitterly. "I had...I had hoped…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter."

  Backhand could feel her heart breaking the longer he spoke. His true identity was an immense blow to him, and on top of it he was still struggling under the burden of the guilt he carried due to Cutler's demise. He blamed himself for Arthur's demands. 

  "Listen to Cade, Danse." She urged. Her hand was essentially on autopilot as she traced small patterns on the center of his back, moving up and down his spine without rhyme or reason. "You're not to blame for what Maxson did. It's not yours to bear. Trust me, coming from someone who's more than willing to take on other folk's problems, that weight is not yours."

  "But-"

  "You trust me, right?" Vega interrupted him softly, cupping his face so that he had to look at her.

  "With my life, General Vega." 

  The rapid sincerity of his reply startled her and Backhand needed to take a moment, steeling herself yet again. "I know you trust Cade too, and I know this won't be a quick or easy process. But you accepting that whatever happened was not your fault would be a huge first step."

  "I...If I do…" Danse paused, hesitating. "Vega, if I forget about him..."

  "Hey, nobody said anything about forgetting. You told me about Cutler, about how important he was to you. There's no way someone like you could forget about him. But you need to forgive yourself, you have to understand that losing him was not your fault." Once more she found herself in over her head, but she did her best to tell him all the things she wished someone had told her when Sergeant Cathan had died.

  "He was...he was everything to me." Danse's voice cracked. "And I had to--I had to, he was...I had to."

  "What happened to Cutler and his team was an immense tragedy, and a needless one at that." Cade spoke up from his seat, his brow furrowed. "Maxson outed himself quite thoroughly during the trial, I would say. It will be difficult for him to explain his actions away when so many witnesses heard exactly what he said." 

  Elizabeth felt Danse go still, the paladin hanging on to Cade's every word. "Am I even permitted to be happy that he may face consequences?" He asked uncertainly, wringing his hands. "Is that a breach of protocol, Knight-Captain?"

  The medical officer shifted his weight, leaning forward to prop himself up with his elbows on his knees. "I can't promise you swift justice, you know how the Brotherhood operates. But Arthur invoked the right of a litany trial, then proceeded to break his own terms. To say nothing of the fact that he nearly killed someone uninvolved in the trial." Cade shook his head. "His abuse flourished in secrecy. Now that everything is out in the open, I do not believe even his status as the last Maxson will sway the other elders when they pass judgement."

  "Thank you, Knight-Captain." Danse closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. "I...thank you, Vega." He continued, a little quieter. He caught her hand in his own, giving it a cautious squeeze. Almost as if he was imitating her gesture from earlier in the week. "I have so much to think about."

  "Agreed. Shall I put in a request to Brandis for a leave of absence?"

  Danse visibly recoiled at Cade's suggestion, his eyes going wide in dismay. "No! No, I am needed, Knight-Captain. After our assault has been carried out, and the Institute has been wiped from the map, I…" he hesitated, like the words were caught in his throat. "I will gladly take a leave. Until then, however, there is still work to do."

  "There is always work to do, Paladin." Cade chided. "Remember what I told you? You will burn yourself out and the Brotherhood can ill afford to lose you."

  "I'll see to it that he takes time off after our successful operation." Backhand stated firmly. Cade raised an eyebrow at that and Danse flushed across the bridge of his nose, stuttering a little. "Your health is important to me, Danse. You can be as stubborn as you want, but I'm not letting you weasel out of this." 

  "I suppose that will have to do." Cade sighed. "Do you have any questions for me, Paladin?"

  Danse shot a sidelong glance at Vega that she was relatively certain she wasn't supposed to see, the large man worrying his lower lip. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on her part, though, as Danse shook his head after a moment. "No, I...I just have some reflection to do." He got to his feet abruptly, saluting both Cade and Elizabeth. "Ad Victoriam, Knight-Captain. Ad Victoriam, General Vega."

  Cade returned the salute absently, already absorbed in writing something else down. Vega was a little slower, her query of, "do you need me, Danse?" coming out softer than she had intended.

  She wanted to believe that the paladin hesitated before he replied, "No, General Vega. I can manage."

Part Eighteen

[sparklegemstone]

Taking a break from work so time to write up more of my Loki trailer thoughts since all the cool cats around here seem to be doing it :-D.

In chronological order:

1) Personally I was 'meh' about the trailer starting with the Endgame scene just because I think the Russos did a terrible job matching the tone of that scene with the tone of the original Avengers film's conclusion and I want the Loki series to feel like a continuation of Avengers.  Alas, the Endgame scene grates on me as feeling inauthentic to the story it's supposed to take place in.  But I certainly understand the practicality of needing to put it in to give the audience the context for when/how this new story with Loki is taking place.

2) But five seconds later on the other side of the wormhole…yay, Kate Herron fixed the tone!  This feels much closer in tone to when Thor and Lok depart for Asgard at the end of Avengers.  Excellent job Kate.

3) Was so pleasantly surprised by Owen Wilson's portrayal!  Very different than any of the comedic characters I strongly associate the actor's acting style with.  I like his character a lot with what we've been given so far.  It's instructive reflecting back on the potential concerns I had and that were being discussed in the fandom when we were working with scraps and rumors that we now know don't have merit: things like 'Hiddleston is only there to narrate the series' and 'How comedic in tone is this going to be if Waldron from Rick and Morty is hiring Owen Wilson?'.  Ah the good old days of baseless speculation.

 4) I mentioned the frequently low camera position in another post -- it does a poor job of conveying how Loki carries himself, tall and straight and elegant.  It makes him seem more ordinary, but maybe that's the point -- equalizing him with Mobius rather than it being an Asgardian in a non-Asgardian's presence.

5) The way Loki goes from locked down and not letting any sense of what's going on his head slip to Mobius (what I feel is in-character for Loki) to suddenly being a lot more open with what he's actually feeling and having less guarded, more friendly/casual attitude toward Mobius is weird to me.  I think it's a cut just for the trailer and hopefully it will make more sense in context, but Hiddleston's acting here and the way he has no qualms about being physically guided out of the elevator by Mobius is one of the points where it felt more like Hiddleston playing a different character than playing Loki to me (and lacking Loki's costuming doesn't help that perception certainly).  Which I know is nitpicky, but I was just curious to see to what degree this would actually feel like 'fresh off of Avengers' Loki and so I'm paying close attention to what feels in and out of character for me.  Does Mobius say something to really throw Loki for a loop that would cause him to drop his guard like that?

6) "Glorious" -> YAASSSS that's the Loki I wanted to recognize.  He's back!  I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around how blessed I am, but we've got him back for more screen time.  Also, with him back in Stark Tower and the later image of post-apocalyptic Manhattan, I am super intrigued by the possibility of Loki (and me too!) experiencing different ways things could have played out on Earth, if he'd succeeded in his conquest for example.

7) Loki's going to learn about what happened in the main timeline and the choices he made in the future?!  That's huge!  Should be a fascinating character moment.  This bit of Loki turning away from the projector gives me a lot of hope that the writing in the show is actually going to explore, honor, and authentically run with where Loki was as a character at the end of Avengers and the context of what he experienced rather than Marvel just plopping the "general" character of Loki into a genre-fied crime thriller show basically disconnected from the events of Thor and Avengers so they can say they made a Loki show.

8) Do I like Loki in the beige detective jacket?  Nah, not really.  But I do appreciate that even with the earth costume they kept Loki's style of being completely covered up.  Also creates contrast with him not being in control when he's in the TVA prisoner jumpsuit that has short sleeves.

9) Thought that was Nat on Voromir at first because of the purple environment.  Been reading some thoughts on how that's probably not Nat, and while the theories make sense, if that's true, why would Marvel put in a shot of a character that looks so much like Nat that it would cause confusion and maybe get her fans' hopes up?

10) I agree with @delyth88​ on the D.B. Cooper scene.  Didn't think I'd want Loki looking like Hiddleston, but I don't mind it / it's not taking me out of the scene as I might have expected.

11) The fight choreo and edit into the twirling -- I already discussed this before, but the physicality of it is giving me human-strength!Loki vibes.  If instead the guy he's fighting is also super strong, wouldn't the plastic or metal disc thing between them break upon impact?  Also the fact that it seems implied that Loki would get hurt by jumping out of the plane w/o Heimdall’s help to catch him.

12) The twirling -- is Loki legitimately, celebratorily, uninhibitedly happy?  I feel like we've never seen him like that since the Thor cut scene before they all made that fateful trip to Jotunheim.  I read a theory that the roman numerals on the building in this frame might mean he is in Pompeii the year the volcano erupts, which is interesting.

13) Loki saying "Brother”,  “Heimdall", coordinating with at least Heimdall, traveling on the Bifrost -- HOPE!  BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, HOPE!  I was honestly expecting the show to make no mention of anything connected to Asgard, except maybe segueing into Thor 4 at the very end, so the fact that Loki is (indirectly) interacting with Heimdall -- calling Thor "Brother" (even if not to Thor) !!!!!!!!!!!! -- interesting!  

14) The idea of him being D.B. Cooper is very fun! (though I didn't know who that was in advance).  It's very easy to pretend that Loki is real and has been an unidentified part of our history all along.

15) I do not like the last scene with comics!Loki suddenly being brought to life.  In fact I had a very kneejerk dislike of it the first couple times I watched the trailer (so many watches ago :-P) because it presses a very personal button of mine, which is how the MCU is moving toward becoming more spectacle-driven and comic-book-y and therefore away from the grounded, character driven storytelling that I enjoy about the MCU.  I'm here for the character of Loki that I love as he is already established in the MCU, not the comics versions of the character.  Also, IMO the acting is out of character for MCU Loki and more goofy.

That said, I'm hopeful context will help a whole bunch here as @iamanartichoke​ has said.  Given all the timey-wimey multiverse shenanigans, it's probably not even Avengers!Loki anyway, and I'm certainly not going to begrudge the many fans who are excited to see comics references on screen.

Overall impression?  Very excited, very hopeful.  Would I selfishly want a story that's just a direct continuation of the Avengers and hyper focused on the exact context of the character of Loki as he was in Avengers, fleshing out the off-screen bits and up-until-now only implied emotional impact of what Loki experienced between the end of Thor and the start of Avengers, digging into his relationships with the Black Order, and family, reconciling with his heritage?  Uh…duh ;-).  

But you have to give an audience what they need as opposed to what they think they want, and from a craft perspective, this has to be its own story.  The Thor and Avengers stories are their own stories, they're told, they're done, even if certain emotional threads were left hanging / implied / off-screen that we as very detail-oriented Loki fans would like to see dealt with explicitly.

But given that this was always going to be its own story, I'm very hopeful that the series has an explicit creative goal of telling a story that also does a great job with emotional continuity and exploring the fallout of Thor and Avengers and what that means for Loki's character; of honoring, picking up from, and running with Loki as a character in the context of who he was when he surrendered to the Avengers and where he goes from there.

The Marvel Studios executives could have easily decided to make an isolated story featuring Loki that general MCU fans that don't think overly deeply about the character would have been very happy with and probably it would be very successful, and I would have gladly taken that over nothing.  But I'm optimistic that that isn't what we're getting and that they chose to ground their story in the specific context of Loki's character.  We'll see!

[crimsonbluemoon]

For the Fluff Prompt can you do 35,72,78 I think they fit really well together and you can pick the couple I just love the prompts together

Okay so I’ve been wanting to write something for @kihoori‘s  BBHS AU for a bit now, and finally I got a prompt that I really enjoyed and wanted to work with. Now, to make this veeeeery clear, everything I write/do for this AU is not canon. As in, this is not what happens in the story. This is just a spin-off that I got permission from Kihorri to write. Whatever she does in the story probably won’t have any similarities to this drabble. 

That being said, enjoooy (this is the longest drabble because she inspired me with her art so yeah. >.>)

Pairing: H2O Vanoss Number: 35/72/78 Prompt: “You keep saying that we’re friends but you look at me for a moment too long for that to be true.”/“You keep that photo of us in your wallet?”/ “Don’t pretend that you don’t feel the same way.”

“Yo.” Vanoss snickered when his surprise greeting made Delirious jump in his spot on the grassy hill. Hands fumbled with the leather wallet Delirious held, which had been what had made it easy to sneak up on the student without him knowing.

“Wh-what the hell! Don’t jus-just jump up on someone like-like that.” The frown was a common look for the other student recently. Vanoss tried to ignore it when dropping down next to him, enjoying the softness of the grass. He wasn’t sure why he’d sought out Delirious; they hadn’t really hung out alone since their blowout argument. It just felt...strange. The tension was hard to ignore between them, and despite his best efforts, Vanoss’s mind couldn’t fully forget the kiss that Delirious had given him. Back then, he’d been angry and mortified, unable to understand why the kiss hadn’t felt as repulsive as he wanted it to. They’d fought, then reconciled, but the cloud of apprehension that surrounded them was unable to be ignored. 

The worst part was, it wasn’t fear or disgust that made Vanoss so tense. It was confusion, uncertainty, and the subtle need for answers that made him avoid situations like the one he was currently putting himself in. It was clear, from Delirious’s inability to meet his gaze and his body twitches, that he was also nervous. For someone as neurotic as his classmate, that wasn’t normal. Delirious went into situations without abandon, which resulted in more disaster than success. But he did it with a good heart, and his candid nature was why most people generally enjoyed his company. It was why Vanoss had liked him, even when Delirious gave him the cold shoulder at first. Or, he’d thought that was why he’d always looked for the loud student, but now... 

“Not my fault you're deaf,” Vanoss teased, hoping the words would be taken as a joke. The flustered noise that came from Delirious made him laugh, some of his previous tension melting out of his shoulders while listening to the other’s reply.  

“I’m not! You’re just a-a ninja owl!” 

“That doesn’t even make sense.” 

“You don’t make sense,” Delirious grumbled, glaring toward the school’s athletic fields. Before Vanoss could ask what the other was doing alone, he picked up on the weird way Delirious yanked the wallet closer to his chest. It looked out of sorts, a dollar and the edge of some piece of paper hanging out the top as if Delirious had been looking through it. But why would he need to do that? Wouldn’t he know his wallet best? Curious, Vanoss leaned closer, holding his hand out.

“Hey, let me have a dollar.”

“Why?”

“Because I owe Wildcat money.” He wasn’t sure if that was true (probably was, he always ‘borrowed’ his friend’s cash when he forgot his lunch), but it was a good enough excuse for Delirious to believe. Delirious flinched back, hands clutching the leather tighter in obvious anxiety. 

“Uh, I-I don’t have money,” he answered, despite the dollar bill hanging out of the fold. 

“I can see it.” 

“Well, I- there’s just- hey, don’t-don’t get so-” Vanoss shut down any other excuse when he pushed closer, his arm brushing against the firm shoulder next to him to reach for the wallet. The proximity seemed to distract Delirious’s reflexes, and he only tensed after Vanoss had gotten his fingers around the wallet in his grasp. “Wait!” 

A spasm from Delirious’s wrist when their fingers brushed sent the wallet flying to the ground in front of them, rolling a couple feet down the hill. Random items poured out that had no business being there, like a gum wrapper and a paper that’s ink had obviously been ruined by some type of liquid. The dollar popped out as well, but that wasn’t what caught Vanoss’s attention.

“What is…” He was moving before he could think of finishing the sentence, unsure of how to process the final item that had spilled from Delirious’s wallet. The photo was old, edges crinkled and the image faded from the years that had passed. Seeing himself so young was surprising, but what truly caught him off guard was who else was in the photo. His little arm was wrapped around a younger boy, the blue eyes and wide smile far too familiar. Their faces were covered in mud, as if both had been playing for hours in the rain, but neither looked upset. If he was being honest, he looked...happier than he’d been in a long time. And as strange as it sounded, Vanoss remembered the moment captured in the photograph. He’d been young, so the face and name of his long lost friend had eluded his terrible memory years after he’d moved. But the feelings he’d had were permanently settled in his head. That day had been one he’d cherished. Delirious had never mentioned knowing him when they were younger. Except the picture proved he knew, from day one, who Vanoss was.

Why hadn’t he told Vanoss the truth?  

“What is this?” Vanoss asked, slowly turning to Delirious in shock. Guilt and pain rushed through Delirious’s wince before he moved to grab his wallet, trying to throw everything back into the leather. 

“Nothing.” 

“It’s not nothing, you...you keep a photo of us in your wallet? Why?” Vanoss’s eyes were wide while he stared at Delirious, who panicked and tried to shove the incriminating picture back into its spot. But stubborn as it’s owner, the photo refused to be hidden again, crinkling instead of sliding into the crevice.

“I-I just- it fell in there.” The embarrassment owned his friend’s voice, and the blue eyes that refused to make contact with him proved that this wasn’t something Vanoss was supposed to know about. Then again, with the strain in their recent friendship, the fighting, kissing (which they still hadn’t talked about) and the aftermath of the break-up with Ohm, Vanoss could understand the other’s fear. 

“Del.” His voice tripped up on the nickname, not having said it since their fallout. The ghost of pain that shadowed Delirious’s face proved he’d noticed Vanoss’s hesitation in using it, too. It froze the frantic rush to hide the evidence, and Vanoss reached forward to cover the hand that clutched the picture. “We need to talk about it.” 

“I can’t, so w-we should just forget you saw-that you’d seen it.” Delirious answered quickly, and the tremble of the fingers under his own proved to Vanoss that it was fear coloring his friend’s tone. He didn’t want to hurt either of them anymore than the mess of their previous fighting had. But Vanoss knew if he let this moment go, if he let Delirious shove everything back down, it may never come back into the light of day again.

“Does this have something to do with why you kissed me?” Vanoss finally asked the question that they’d been avoiding for weeks, ignoring how warm his face felt to stare Delirious down. A quiver of Delirious's lip proved he didn’t want to answer, but Vanoss held out long enough to force him to respond. 

“Vanoss, if we’re fr-friends you won’t-” 

“Are we friends?” Vanoss asked, watching Delirious jerk his head up in shock before continuing. “None of this feels friendly. Friends don’t have the tension we do. Friends don’t keep secret pictures of each other in their wallets, or spy on each other in bushes.” 

“Wait, what?” The blink proved he didn’t know about Vanoss’s first moment of realization regarding his feelings toward Delirious. But that could be talked about after, along with the picture and everything else they’d hidden from one another. For now, Vanoss brushed his thumb against Delirious’s hand, feeling the softness of his skin. It was just enough encouragement for Vanoss to push his own comfort levels, meeting Delirious’s stare head on. 

“Friends shouldn’t kiss, shouldn’t think about each other or feel butterflies when they touch.” Delirious’s eyes flickered down to their hands at Vanoss’s confession, which hadn’t separated despite the obvious tension in the conversation. He didn’t pull away, and when Vanoss felt the other’s thumb hesitantly hook around his, he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Friends shouldn’t think about each other when they’re with other people. Because friends shouldn’t have...these types of feelings.”

“Vanoss, I…” Somehow, he knew what Delirious wanted to say. That he didn’t deserve Vanoss, that he’d broken their trust and ruined something good between him and Ohm. Maybe that he was worried what others would say about them getting together. What if their friends turned their backs on them? There were lots of problems that could come out of Delirious admitting what he’d been so desperate to hide before his slip up. Probably more if Vanoss accepted his confession. But Vanoss, feeling the clench of his heart when seeing Delirious’s shoulders slump, knew he didn’t care about anything but the boy sitting next to him. 

“You keep saying that we’re friends but you look at me for a moment too long for that to be true. And I don’t mind that. I...I don’t think I want you to look at anyone else.” Slowly, Vanoss leaned forward, unsure if he’d be pushed away when his forehead brushed against Delirious’s. “That doesn’t feel like friendship to me. So if you kissed me because you like me, then you have to tell me. Don’t pretend you don’t feel the same way.”

“The same? Like, as in- yo-you like me?” Hope that had been so rare recently in Delirious’s eyes sparkled, and Vanoss glanced away to hide his own embarrassment. 

“Don’t act so surprised-hey!” Vanoss shouted in protest when he was pushed backwards, gravity bringing both of them down the hill. Grass and dirt stuck to Vanoss’s jacket when he finally stopped rolling, the heavy weight of Delirious on him making it hard to breathe. The dizziness of the fall had him taking a moment to try and catch his breath. 

But a second later proved the attempt was useless; his lungs lost their ability to function when Delirious leaned down, quick to capture his lips in a kiss. This time, there was no frustration, no bitter edge to the taste of the mouth pouring unspoken affection into the connection. Delirious’s hands were gentle, not forceful, cupping his face, tilting his head up from the ground to seal their lips closer together. A rush of endorphins clouded Vanoss’s mind, but his mouth didn’t need much prompting to accept the kiss. The murmur of athletes and students cheering on the fields in the distance were simple background noise to the quiet breeze that swept over them, lulling Vanoss’s body into a relaxed puddle against the grass. Delirious settled over him as one kiss turned into two, then another when Vanoss fisted his hand in the hoodie and pulled him closer. Finally, the sharp noise of the afterschool bell pulled them apart. Vanoss opened his eyes quickly, wanting to catch Delirious’s first reaction before he hid it. The awe he found staring down at him was unexpected, but a good sign.

“I like you!” The blurted out confession made Vanoss squawk in surprise, sure his face flushed in embarrassment. 

“Don’t just shout it out like that!” He snapped, but Delirious’s smile proved that he didn’t mind the scolding. Carefree as the guy that Vanoss had fallen for, Delirious laughed loudly, pulling both up into a hug that Vanoss melted into much too quickly for the confession not to be reciprocated.

“I really like you, Vanoss.”

“Yo-you just said that, idiot.” He leaned his forehead onto Delirious’s shoulder, trying to hide his words into the thick fabric. “But...me too.”

They had a long way to go, which Vanoss knew from the slight nips of guilt still tugging at his heart. There was no telling what would happen when they left the hill they confessed on. Friendships were still tentative with their group, and neither knew how the others would react. They could have chanced everything for one moment of happiness. For now, they felt strong, but what if that wavered when reality set it? All of these thoughts were a possibility. 

But peeking at the photo that sat innocently on the grass beside them, Vanoss had a feeling it was going to be okay.

[whateverthedragonswant]

More proof in the pudding for 15x20 breaking the fourth wall theory

I kind of already discussed this theory on this post here but in going over the last two seasons of GoT to add to this dark!Dany meta I’ve got going, I noticed something that I think is worth taking a look at.

GoT 8x06:

We all remember what happens after this weighted ominous walk of Jon’s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XhfGY5pIPg&t=254s

“When I was a girl, my brother told me it was made from a thousand swords of Aegon’s fallen enemies. What do a thousand swords look like in the mind of a little girl who can’t count twenty? I imagined a mountain of swords too high to climb. So many fallen enemies, you could only see the soles of Aegon’s feet.” “This is our reason. It has been from the beginning since you were a little boy with a bastard’s name and I was a little girl who couldn’t count to twenty.” “You are my queen, now and always.” -- this is dialogue meant to call back to the Dany the audience has known since season 1 - this was done in an effort to keep her character sympathetic to the end but it’s problematic since she just torched an entire city that held a million innocent people, and it completely negates the true moral of her story - her brother is mentioned who we haven’t seen since season 1, who by all means is not a good influence or a hero in this story but in this last season, she has started to embrace the Targaryen side of things (that we’ve seen reflected in her wardrobe, I see you Michele Clapton, you brilliant woman, you) - the dialogue even invokes season 1 Jon in that one line, though obviously the focus is not on Jon but Dany herself - Jon who had just been acting as the audience mouthpiece in the jail scene with Tyrion (acting as the writers’ mouthpiece - again breaking the 4th wall), saying “You are my queen, now and always”, something the split audience (the ones who felt betrayed by Dany’s dark turn and still stan her to this day) keep saying - yes “now and always” was a common saying in the North, but this wording is purposeful as is this piece of dialogue for essentially what is Dany’s death scene, the most controversial death to come out of this episode, the end of this series I would even argue

15x20:

We all remember Dean’s monologue that took close to 10 mins to happen as he was “fading pretty quick”, so much so that Sam couldn’t call for help

“There’s a few things that I need you to hear. Come here. Let me look at you. There he is. I am so proud of you, Sam. Do you know that? I’ve always looked up to you. Remember when we were kids, you were so damn smart, you never took any of Dad’s crap. I never knew how you did that. And you’re stronger than me. You always have been. Hey, did I ever tell you that night that, uh, that I came for you when you were at school? You know when Dad hadn’t come back from his hunting trip? The woman in white, that’s right. I must’ve stood outside your dorm for hours because I didn’t know what you would say. I thought you’d tell me to get lost or get dead and I didn’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have you. ‘Cause I was so scared. I was scared. ‘Cause when it all came down to it, it was always you and me. It’s always been you and me.” “I can’t do this alone.” “Yes, you can.” “Well, I don’t want to.” “I love you so much. My baby brother.” -- notice anything...familiar? -- this is dialogue meant to call back to season 1, to the original audience that started out with the brothers in season 1, that may not have stuck with the show for all 15 seasons but maybe ducked back in for the finale just to see how the show chose to end the boys’ stories - John is mentioned who is not a good influence nor a hero in the story which the show has gone out of their way to show time and time again, despite 14x13 - this is the result of one of their dad’s old unfinished hunts from season 1 including the “villain” - Dean mentions events of the first episode when John hasn’t come back from an old hunt, when he goes to get Sam from school, the woman in white being their very first MOTW of the show, even the dialogue from that first episode where the lines are reversed and Dean tells Sam he doesn’t want to do it alone - the dialogue is meant to invoke nostalgia of that pilot and that time, that version of the boys’ stories, where it was Winchester only - Dean’s death (outside of Cas’) is one of the most controversial deaths to happen this episode, even this series (though it has a lot of problematic deaths, i.e. Charlie but I mean in the main character arena) - this was done to keep season 1, specifically the pilot, in the viewers’ minds and as a callback to the beginning of the show, the dialogue was very purposeful, it’s also no coincidence that Sam is the focus here and once Dean is finished telling him goodbye essentially, he looks away behind the camera and talks about how he didn’t think today was going to be the day but it is (which adds to the pudding even more, because this is later season Dean talking who did not want to die on a hunt and wanted something different for himself, season 1 Dean always knew he would die young on a hunt) 

And let us not forget this:

Andrew Dabb: “If you thought Game of Thrones was bad, just wait” (x) - this is said in a joking manner but where is it said? Comic Con 2019, the same Comic Con D&D canceled their appearances at & left the cast who did appear to deal with the fallout. This isn’t a man flipping off people and being like “Ha! Crybabies, we’re doing what we want to do and that’s that! Ha!” He said it in a joking manner when he talked about how only 30% of people would be pleased after seeing the finale and Jared joined the conversation. This is the same man who pushed hard along with Bobo Berens for a spinoff that featured women and women of color as well as having proper queer representation but got shut down by the network in the end. The same guy who worked to separate Dean and Sam from their toxic co-dependency and bolstered the found family theme in the narrative, while also taking the baton that Carver started with of Dean and Sam thinking of what they would actually want for their endings, and running with it, developing that even further. 

What did GoT have? 2 final seasons as it were. To be fair, season 7 cannot be considered an alternate ending, it had way too many open endings but here (x) it’s stated that D&D did want to end GoT with season 7 initially before being convinced by the network to go to 8. They wanted to move onto other projects (that never happened because they’re egotistical greedy idiots, but I digress)  and their rush to end the series showed. HBO wanted 10 seasons but they didn’t want to move forward without D&D. GRRM thought at least 13 seasons would be appropriate. 

What did SPN have? 2 finales. 15x19 is not only the finale that closes up the mytharc but also the found family finale. I’m not sure if they knew this ahead of time or found out last second (Misha’s line of “Cas’ ending was supposed to be different but I don’t think we’re supposed to talk about that” still haunts me), but ultimately, that’s how it worked out. 15x19 was for the later season fans, the found family, the mythology fans (meaning Heaven, Hell, angels, nephilim, Lucifer, Jack, etc). That’s why we get the huge montage of characters at the end of the episode, the initials on the table, Dean demanding Cas be brought back in the beginning of the episode and Lucifer’s phone call, Dean and Sam wanting Jack to come back to the bunker but he can’t, Dean and Sam driving off in Baby together with “Running On Empty” playing. 15x20 was the series finale for early season fans, Kripke fans, Winchester-only fans. That’s why there’s no big montage in the beginning of the SERIES FINALE that they had done every season premiere, every season finale, and every mid-season premiere. They didn’t want the found family (yes, including Cas and Jack) in the viewers’ minds. But they couldn’t remove those two characters from the narrative completely (they were too integral later on in the series plus later season fans are watching this too) so they get mentions. This is why the Carry On My Wayward Son twice, Sam married to Blurry Wife and having Dean Jr., the Winchester-only mantle, the MOTW that calls back to one of their big bads (vampires) in season 1 (outside of YED & any demonic forces), why the brothers-only ending. This is why Dean is all ‘Cas who?’, why Eileen disappeared, and why Jack is off shooting a new spot for Architectural Digest. They only wanted Sam and Dean on your minds in 15x20 with the extension of John, Mary, Rufus, Bobby, and Baby with a touch of the Roadhouse in the background. This is also why no pictures of Blurry Wife on the Winchester-only mantle either. This is why Sam’s son was named Dean. This is why after putting on the Party City wig, Sam goes to sit in Baby and cries, thinking of Dean.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: 15x20.👏 Was.👏 A.👏 Vehicle. It’s no coincidence that W*lker was more heavily promoted during 15x20 than any other time before. That what happens in 15x20 for Sam and Dean (and that Sam is once again the focus after having the story split between the brothers for years before) parallels somewhat to what happens in Jared’s new show and his character. This is the same network that uses its shows to backdoor pilots of spinoffs and other shows time and time again (think Green Arrow and The Canaries, Legacies, etc). It’s also no coincidence that W*lker is in the same time slot as SPN had been in, that they intersperse the use of #SPNFamily and #W*lkerFamily on Twitter, that the C*W SPN twitter account is used to steer followers to their other content, that the C*W YouTube account for SPN no longer has any clips or promos available for that show, almost as if it doesn’t exist. You know why? Simple, they don’t want SPN on your minds anymore. They want you watching W*lker and any other new content they are cooking up and throwing at you. Don’t be surprised if they start heavily promoting another new show (besides their returning ones) during W*lker episodes now. That’s just the name of the game, how it works. They already pushed the audience they wanted from 15x20 to W*lker and now SPN is an officially closed chapter for them. Dabb and the actors had other projects to move onto. In their minds, it’s done...until they try to reboot it in some way in a couple of years. And it will not only feature a younger generation of actors but will have what they consider to be appropriate queer representation as well as POC representation in the new cast. It may be the same Winchester story though changed or a whole new story in that universe. You laugh but watch. It’ll happen. This network is not known for its quality or originality, only for their brand. There’s a reason they keep on showrunners to head up new content if their original source of content works and they become “favorites” (i.e Julie Plec).

Ultimately, GoT was referenced many times on SPN, in dialogue between characters whether it applied or not. GoT was mentioned by the actors when discussing watching it, at cons and in interviews. SPN (and Dabb) was very well aware of GoT and what happened with that show. Not only because it was all over the media everywhere, being a pop culture phenomenon that had HUGE backlash, but also because they were there at the Comic Con where the backlash was felt strongest. To the point where even other people mentioned it in their panels (i.e. Seth Rogen). I’m obviously not in Dabb’s head nor was I on set when they filmed the finale or in the writers’ room with J2 and the writers when they pitched the ending so I don’t know. But isn’t it odd that 8x06 of GoT features a scene that has been confirmed by Kit Harington as breaking the 4th wall to speak to/get the viewers’ attention, make them think, and SPN is a show that has featured that same concept (usually in a comedic fashion) time and time again? And in 15x20 they have Robert Singer make an appearance? And the infamous bridge crew shot, J2 talking to you while still in costume as Sam and Dean from that same shot, and the voiceover “And cut” before it cuts to black? 

I don’t think we’ll ever really get answers. I think any we get will always be complimentary to the network, or “we can’t talk about it”, or “it was always planned that way”. I’m not saying those people are being less than truthful (and seriously, I don’t blame any of them, it’s PR and they need to protect their careers, feed their families, if you speak out on anything in this universe, something really serious or the tiniest thing, you risk ever getting hired again, you will be blacklisted, it’s not right and it’s certainly not fair, but this is the way this particular business works) but something is not adding up (a lot of somethings actually). I think there was definitely a different ending for Cas, possibly even Jack (meaning he might have made at least one appearance). I do think there may have been a different resolution to Destiel and Saileen (unless they truly planned to keep it ambiguous all along). I don’t know if Dean would have had a different ending, I think he might have at one point as suggested by the narrative during Carver’s and Dabb’s eras, but I’m not sure what their “true ending” was going to be regarding him or Sam. To have Sam be the one that died would have been redundant from Swan Song (5x22) so I doubt they would have gone in that direction. I hate to think it but I don’t think we’ll ever really know. As far as death scenes go, Dean’s death in 9x23 was way more meaningful and impactful for me when he tells Sam that he’s proud of them, than what we got in 15x20. No offense to the guys’ acting or to the boys themselves, but the 9x23 scene was more appropriate imho. And that also leads me to believe that Dean’s manner of death may not have been what they planned all along. But until we get answers (which again I don’t think we will), we’ll never truly know for sure.

As for me, this is just more proof in the pudding. I’m not saying Dabb & Co purposely sabotaged 15x20 at all but I wouldn’t be surprised if they kept the reaction to GoT’s finale in mind at a couple of key points while getting these last two episodes shot. 15x19 was our finale, sad to say. 15x20 was the network’s finale, meant to induce nostalgia and callbacks, bringing the boys’ original fans over to Texas to watch a certain ranger do roundhouse kicks. Sad but true.